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February 30: The Day to End All Days. This day only occurs on double leap years, which themselves only occur every 400 years. Calendar bugs ensue.
- 15,000,000,000 B.C - A large rock floating in space decides to become a bigger rock in 14,999,999,999 years. It has yet to achieve this
- 1600 - Bring out yer dead! *clang* *moan*
- 2000 - Gratuitous quoters of Monty Python and the Holy Grail are rounded up and summarily executed. Their highest crime? Never having seen any of the TV series except the five shows many of the sadder PBS stations run in heavy rotation on Friday and Saturday nights for losers like them. They could have at least rented the other discs on Netflix or torrented them!
- 2400 - Mars terraforming complete. George W. Bush's robot-mounted head-in-a-jar disappointed that terra finally won.
- 2800 - The last rich person moves to Mars. It's like the Malibu of the solar system these days, and David Geffen's robot-mounted head-in-a-jar still won't let plebes access the public beach. Bastard.
- 2800 - The space germs that were already on Mars and rather resented the intrusion of the hairless apes kill all the rich people. The plebians, proletariat, stoners, and Wal-Mart employees back on Earth (nickname: Greater Detroit) enjoy a bit of schadenfreude even though they can't spell it.
- 3200 - Schadenfreude Era ends as Planet Earth engulfed in flames. Fortunately, only people who refer to it as "Planet Earth" are left behind to roast. Wait, doesn't that mean... AAAAAAAAA! *crackle*
- 3600 - Survivor is finally canceled.