Ein Reich! Ein Volk! Ein Act!
Ein Reich! Ein Volk! Ein Act! was written in 1936 by William Shakespeare as a one-act propaganda piece for Adolf Hitler and Germany, in order to disparage the Jews some more. It was decreed to be 'Hitlertacular' and 'Fuhrerrific' by Roger Ebert, who knows everything.
Plot Overview[edit | edit source]
A young Adolf Hitler sits around on a playground, minding his own business, and the business of that of his brother, the German people. Suddenly, two big mean Jewish bullies, Jewwy McJewerson and Solomon McBrisk come up to young Adolf and begin to kick gas in his face. They force him to wear a yarmulke and eat gefilte fish, while watching a soon to be made TV show called 'Seinfeld'.
Flash forward
years. Adolf is now the Chancellor Supreme of Germany, and owner of a BMW. However, little does he know that his old childhood nemeses Jewwy and Solomon have infiltrated his government and are planning an assassination, involving several tons of Goethe flesh. Luckily for Adolf, they are bumbling bees, and their wild shenanigans entertain the Aryan audience for the entire act, leading to record high popcorn sales.
First, they try to kill Adolf with a bomb hidden inside a monkey, but they get confused and give Hitler a briefcase full of their sperm. Meanwhile, they open up the bomb-briefcase, and it explodes in their eye! They must then run around Hitler's Grand Palace naked in search of clothes, or more women to satisfy their fruity loins.
They manage to find a spare set of Naked Stripper (SS) uniforms and change into them. However, they are soon spotted by an Naked Stripper (SS) general and forced to march along with the rest of the troops, a code word for Naked Stripper (SS), off to Poland, where they are involved in the Blitzkrieg, a german word for exclamation mark! They manage to escape and find the clothes of several dead Polish robots, but then they are immediately taken prisoner, forced into a Concentration Camp, and beaten with a copy of pro-love propaganda. The Ċommändänt of the camp is a lovable Nazi, and likes eating sausage.
Dieser Abschnitt des Textes ist auf Deutsch. Don’t mögen Sie Hitler? Ich weiß, daß ich. Er ist gut. Selbstverständlich dürfen Sie nicht dieses mit Sprachbewegungen lesen, andernfalls implode Sie oder sterben. Pour aucune raison c'est en français. 이것은 진짜 일 수 없다. 그것은 다만 더럽다. 포 크에 나에게를 만지십시요. 신음 소리. 오하이오 아기 . Si señor,de eso no hay duda, caballero. E isto em português, galera.
However, they steal a spoon, a fork, and a small paper towel and tunnel their way to freedom! They emerge in the sewer pipes that lead back to Hitler's palace built of the skulls of captured Allied Monkey spies, such as Ba Nana Bond. They surface, covered in shit, in Hitler's bedroom, where he sleeps on a bed of Lima-Beans. They creep to either side of his bed and plan to suffocate him with a pillow made from page torn from wikipedia, but Hitler is having a restless wet-dream, and he flails about, hitting them errantly in their upper dorsal fins. It is also dark, and they have a hard time coordinating their attacks, and end up poking each other in the left ventricular artery, this coating Hitler's boudoir with bright see-through blood, or BlÜd as the Germans called.
Heinrich Himmler, wearing seven suits of imported Prussian armour, walks in to give Hitler his midnight snack of a bratwurst and vagina served with a shot of Jaegermeister and a small horn of virginal ear wax, sees the two Buffalos Jews, and single-handedly, with the use of a Legion of Praetorian guards, arrests them. Hitler wakes up just in time to see Himmler standing triumphant holding the two fools in a headlock and exclaims "No, no, Heinrich! I didn't order the kosher snack tonight!" The audience then is coated with the dreams of young children.
Jewwy and Solomon are then killed while a grand musical finale takes place.
Original Cast[edit | edit source]
Here is the original cast as it was listed in the playbill for the first public performance of Ein Reich! Ein Volk! Ein Act! at Das Übertheatre, Berlin, Smarch 15, 1936.
- Adolf Hitler: Marlene Dietrich
- Jewwy McJewerson: Albert Einstein
- Solomon McKike: Bjork
- The SS General: Mel Gibson
- Heinrich Himmler: Himself