Drum machine

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
A drum machine lurking.

Drum machines have been with humanity since its very beginnings (in other words, since around 1980). Drum machines are named in the Bible over 9000 times.

Genesis 12, 3-4

The main difference between a drummer and a drumcomputer, is the fact that a drumcomputer has got a memory.

Humanity failed to do so, and thus, condemned us for an eternity listening to the hits of the 80s.

However, drum machines aren't evil per se. Most of the time they like to hang around computers and nerd musicians without doing any harm. However, if they are fed after midnight, they can develop rhythm and consciousness, building infinite loops and therefore killing people of starvation by not letting them go.

Why use Drum Machines?[edit | edit source]

This device is only used by a very select group of people that want to keep a steady beat, and that don't want to put the fate of their band in an absolute retard (aka. drummer).

Deadly Attack[edit | edit source]

The other deadly attack of a drum machine is called the build-up. Drum machines perform this attack by dropping all the rhythm parts, simulating that they are dead. Once the victim comes close to their auditive range, they begin to fire samples at increasing volume until they kill their prey. You can hear a build-up here, but we cannot be held responsible for any deaths caused by listening to it.

Drum machines also like to train humans as their caretakers. Never go close to a human possessed by one, he will kill you at once if you try to touch his friggin' drum machine.

See Also[edit | edit source]