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This article is talking about DEFCON. For DEVKON, try somewhere else.
DEFCON 69, Saddam Hussein is bombing us!

“When it was defcon 0+- i only sit down and breathe”

~ Hitler, Oscar Wilde and Morgan Freeman on DEFCON0+-

“Beep beep!! DEFCON 0. We're all gonna die!!”

~ DEFCON on people

“I've had enough with these motherfucking beeps in this motherfucking headquarters!!”

~ Samuel L. Jackson on DEFCON beeps

“Oh god, here we go again. Dorkalert!”

~ Eric Cartman on Wendy Testaburger and Defcon 0

DEFCON is a colloquial term in English language and is commonly referred as DEFense CONdition. Not to be confused with teflon, which is a type of sex position, DEFCON is only used by people in the northern hemisphere. Usually, people put some random numbers after the word "DEFCON", to describe some activities they should do, or they think other people should do. Some of the notable numbers are 1, 2, 3, 5, 7, 69 and Pi. Researchers once said the numbers are derived from the prime numbers, but they are wrong (not right).

Descriptions of DEFCONs[edit | edit source]

Through history, dozens, possibly million types of DEFCONs have been made and used repeatedly over history. Sometimes, even the DEFCONs create the history. Therefore, it is true and confusing about these DEFCON and history, just like when a butterfly flies in my bedroom. Confusing.

DEFCON is usually used in The United States of America, or Amerika in other languages. It also explains why they spelt it defense, not defence or defenz. However the DEFCON 1-5 is currently being described in colors, or shades (white through off-white) since the American people can only count to 3.

Below are some types of DEFCONs.[edit | edit source]

  • DEFCON 1-up: Mario get an extralife in command.
  • DEFCON -1: LAME!
  • DEFCON 0: Global thermonuclear war. Have a nice day.
  • DEFCON 1: Although the number seems small, it is actually a very big and important number in the DEFCON system. It means people in the USA are dying because they have watched too much Oprah talkshows. Quite unfortunately, it has not been used before, but that time will surely come. and when it come, Jay Leno and Dr. Phil can only save us together.
  • DEFCON 2: The second most dangerous situation possible. Soeme of the crahtaceristic are poeple strating to tpyed trheir wrods wrwongly, wlile it;s quite obvioseus that tyhey knew they did it.
  • DEFCON 3: It is used to tell the army to start using fancy words like Mayday, Pan-pan, ZOMG, Butthead and SOS.
  • DEFCON Pi: Described as an invasion, by unidentified objects (i.e. aliens). This type of DEFCON is rarely used these days because it takes a very long time to transmit the signal. Different machines also transmit it differently. Some only send 0.314 while some others send 3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375105820974944592300628620288086283482534211706795. The signal was first used in 1675, when dinosaurs still existed.
  • DEFCON 69: The president is currently having sex.
  • DEFCON 427.39: The most unimportant DEFCON in the history of mankind. As a matter of fact, no on knows exactly how the army got this number and where did they get it from. Recent news stated that these numbers are derived from some random dude on an IRC channel.
  • DEFCON [INSERT NUMBER HERE]: This DEFCON was invented to keep children busy so that their father can work easily in the army.
  • DEFCON 666 the devil visits Earth.
  • DEFCON 616 like above, but used by latinia
  • DEFCON 2000 used when an attack from the future, past or an another dimension is happening/happened/happen. it was used/in use/going to be used in the Great Time Travel War of 1871
  • DEFCON Neutral uses when nothing is happening. Nothing! Nada! Zip! Everybody in the universe sits down and breathes.
  • Defcon 9103: It's over nineTHOUSAAAAAND!!!

Similar terms[edit | edit source]

  • TELEPHONE: An object used to take pictures, start a car engine, skateboard and possibly life weights
  • AIRCON: An object that is very useful to control the amount of pubic hair.
  • CUNTCUNTCUNT: When Paris Hilton and Britney Spears unite.

History of changes[edit | edit source]

Since 1776, The United States of America has used the DEFCON system and regularly changed the DEFCON status. The group who is in charge of changing the status is not the army whatsoever, as you and the guy besides you may have predicted before.

See also[edit | edit source]