Cyanosis

It has long been rumored that Roger Waters was an avid cyanosisiser.

Cyanosis refers to the ancient Egyptian art of taking a shit in a pond full of ducks and waiting patiently while they swim around wondering what the fuck smells like shit. This modest act was first popularized by Mantango Bulaptap while he was high on crystallized snake venom, a drug commonly used throughout Egypt in the early 9th century.

Overview

Cyanosis is so complex and invigorating to most, that only the richest and smartest men could participate. Participants would be asked to wax their buttocks and cover it in baby oil for a more pleasurable experience. Ponds were carefully chosen and often times the participants would have to wait for days for the optimal moment to let the shit spray out of their glorious, freshly waxed anuses.

After the shit has been set, the participants would take their position in a nearby bush and watch the action unfold. This would sometimes be too much for some of the participants and they would have to back out of the Cyanosis art, and would later be stoned to death by the local children. The rest of the participants would find themselves indulging, and sometimes masturbating to the Cyanosis unfolding.

Near the end of the Cyanosis, participants would start to yell and make loud flatulence noises all while fingering their asses. This would let the ducks know that they were the culprits. The ducks would then swim towards the shore and attack the participants who were equipped with a rope to lasso the ducks into a group. Then, the participants would urinate all over their victims while yelling obscenities and playing R-Kelly in the background.

To finish off, the participants would untie the ducks and let them go all while excusing themselves for their behavior. The ducks would usually accept the apology and admit that they kind of enjoyed it anyways.

Competitive Play

For those who craved even more thrill, competitive rules were developed about a decade later. Attendance was strong as always, people were not restricted due to their social status as they were when the art was first popularized. The goal that was to be achieved was to piss off the ducks as much as possible. This would usually consist of taking a nastier shit, and attracting most attention with grotesque sounds in the second part of play. The urine shower also played an important role in judging which team would win. Audiences were later formed, they would usually have a wall with peek holes for the spectators to enjoy the unfolding events. A broad range of people were willing to pay to see men and possibly women (only the hairy women could play) participate in this prestigious event. The National Cyanosis League prospered for almost a century, when increased interest in The Keep Your Finger In The Box Game caused ticket sales to dwindle.

Common Strategies

Competitors would usually train months before the actual event. Here are a few training parts they would have incorporated into their schedule:

For an even better spray, power shitting was developed. This would demand certain strength and an expanded anus. This was usually achieved with anal rape by the larger men supporting the particular competitor. This would enlarge the diameter of the anus therefore allowing a vast spray. Specialized chairs were later engineered to increase procedural benefits.

To increase their spray area even more, competitors would position themselves in, what was most commonly called, the "unorthodox method". The back would be slightly slanted, and legs were put up around the neck. This would provide a wide girth to the anus in question.

To favorise the accumulation of feces, competitors would plug their rectum with a bag of sand. It would have to be inserted carefully to prevent damages to the outer extremities of the anus. A damaged anus could result in an atrocious failure. Competitors would start this process a week in advance, some would go to even 2 weeks to assure a reasonable amount of shit. The bag would be removed during play to assure that no shit would leak out of the subject's buttocks during the wait.

See Also

• Egypt
• Duck
• Anus
• Pink Floyd