Citrus rock
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Citrus rock is a subset of food rock. It is musical genre pioneered by the band Led Zeppelin, with their songs "The Lemon Song," "Tangerine," and, for some reason, "Going to California." Citrus Rock is notorious in that the only way to be successful in the genre is to sacrifice virgin bassists to the Kumquat God every other 3/4 moon. This is because the Kumquat God is jealous of fruits such as lemons and oranges, and will muffle their fame unless he receives sacrifices.
Citrus Rock, while dangerous to dabble in, can be very rewarding, as groupies love the possible connotations of a lemon or a tangerine.
The advent of Citrus Rock[edit | edit source]
Jimi Hendrix and Eric Clapton of Led Zeppelin were wandering through the misty forests when they came upon a mystical lemon tree, radiating lemon-ness. They had to climb a long stairway to get to it, so they wrote Stairway to Heaven, a common sea shanty, to pass the time. Halfway up the stairway, Jimi and Eric got tired of Stairway and got into a fight. Jimi was about to toss Eric down the stairs when the Kumquat God descended on them and told them that there was a higher music beyond sea shanties. Eric was so enchanted that he fell down the stairs anyway. Jimi asked the Kumquat God if he could have another partner, because he couldn't make music on his own. The God reached into the dirt around the lemon tree and created Robert Plant. Together, Robert and Jimi created the blues. The Kumquat God was not satisfied. He spoke to the two travellers: "How can you disrespect me this way? I bestow on you my citrusy goodness, and all you can do is create an art form that's the direct opposite of my yellow-orange color?" In a thunderbolt, the Kumquat disappeared.
Robert and Jimi just shrugged, and continued to climb the staircase and writing a repertoire for future pop star James Brown.
Well, on the fortieth day, Robert and Jimi finally reached the fabled lemon tree, and a great gong crashed. A mustachio'd drummer was holding the mallet, and was ready to strike it again. This was John Bonham, The Zeppelin's future drummer. The gong shook something loose in Robert's brain, and he discovered moaning. So he moaned a lemon prayer to the Kumquat God and the mystical tree, while John and Jimi wrote The Lemon Song around it, and the complex bassline the tree was emitting.
And it was good. Moo.
Other artists involved[edit | edit source]
Other artists, such as Robert Johnson and Syd Barrett, have dabbled in Citrus Rock, but never found as much success in it as Led Zeppelin, because they didn't love the sour fruits enough.
Notable Citrus songs[edit | edit source]
- Led Zeppelin: The Lemon Song (Led Zeppelin II), Tangerine (Led Zeppelin III), Going to California (Led Zeppelin IV)
- Pink Floyd: Apples and Oranges (single) (This is not fully a Citrus Rock song because it also contains apples. There is still dispute as to whether this song is properly Citrus Rock.)
- Syd Barrett: Baby Lemonade (Barrett)
- Robert Johnson: Travelling Riverside Blues (Arguably the first-ever Citrus Rock song, and where Zepp got the idea for The Lemon Song in the first place)
- The Lemon Pipers: Jelly Jungle Of Orange Marmalade (Jungle Marmalade)
- The Beatles: Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds (Sgt. Pepper's), I Am The Walrus (Magical Mystery Tour) (Actually, this one is also disputed. 'Yellow matter custard' isn't necessarily lemon-flavored, and who knows what the Beatles were ever thinking)
Sub-genres[edit | edit source]
- Psychedelic Music Acid Rock ('cos everyone knows that lemons are plenty acidic, man. As are oranges and such)
- The Blues (Even though it was born before citrus rock, it still counts as a subgenre. Who knows why?)