Brady Campaign
“Support Crime! Ban Guns!”
The Brady Campaign is a secret society bent on global domination, the taking of firearms from civilian ownership, and the mass execution of all who possess firearms, all in the name of peace and love. The members of the Brady Campaign are racists against gun owners, and their goal is to assign "volunteer labor" in Alaska to people who own handguns.
Brady Campaign Statement[edit | edit source]
We at the Brady Campaign to End Gun Ownership advocate peace, love, crime, and execution. Little people don't deserve guns, because you know they violate the rights of a home invader. C'mon people, is it to much for a poor criminal to ask that he beats you to a red smear on the ground, rapes your wife in front of you, and eats your kids? You must be very greedy to not let them have that much, you should be a good victim. You must also realize that assault weapons exist only to kill and maim, which is why the police need them and you don't. Guns are evil objects with minds of their own, and if you touch one you'll automatically turn into a cannibalistic, bloodthirsty butcher, and only police and rich people are immune to the gun's will. Guns will also fly off the table and shoot people without anyone pulling the trigger, which is why taking them from civilians will be so effective. Finally, there is always crime where there are guns, which is why there are so many shootings at gun shows.
The more helpless you are the safer you are from criminals.
History[edit | edit source]
The Campaign started on June 14, 2001 B.C. as a Satanic Cult practicing rituals such as human sacrifice, drinking goat's blood, Carnal Trancension, and Necrophilia, all of which they still practice today. "Passing strict gun policies is more important than saving human lives" says Sarah Brady, the current High Priestess of the Brady Campaign.
Sarah Brady became High Priestess of the Brady Campaign in 1945 by killing her predecessor. Under her leadership, the Brady campaign has accomplished more of it's sinister goals in the last 50 year than for the last 4,000 years. The society gained massive political influence in 1993 when Sarah Brady slept with Bill Clinton. They now taint the U.S. Political Scene with their presence, and they have managed to brainwash thousands of people out there.
How to Avoid Being Brainwashed by Sarah Brady's Mind Control or Attacked by a Brady Campaign Member[edit | edit source]
- Eat lots and lots of garlic.
- Stay up all night. Sarah Brady can only taint your mind in your sleep, but she sleeps during the day.
- Dig a moat around your house and fill it with water. This will also prevent members of the Brady Campaign from entering your house, as they cannot cross the moat.
- In case a Brady Campaign member finds a way to cross the moat, keep a good supply of garlic, silver, and holy water.
- If anyone you know gets bitten, scratched, or talked to by a Brady Campaign member, kill them on sight.
