Boobshake

President Nicolas Sarkozy of France demonstrates the proper way to make a young lady's acquaintance.

The boobshake is a popular alternative to the handshake. Along with the wave, hug, and fist bump, it is considered one of the most popular ways to greet an old friend or new acquaintance. It is commonly done upon meeting, greeting, parting, offering congratulations, expressing gratitude, or completing an agreement.

Although first originating in Victorian England, the boobshake fell into disfavor for a time and has only recently become popular again.

Boobshake techniques

The boobshake is reasonably simple. Upon being introduced to a woman, simply extend your right arm, take her left breast in your hand, and shake it up and down three times. Like a handshake, a boobshake should be firm and assertive. No woman wants a limp-wristed man pawing at her boob. Be sure to grab a nice, big handful. Really sink your fingers in.

Whatever you do, do not grab the woman's right breast with your left hand. Just as with a handshake, a left-handed boobshake is non-standard and is actually considered quite rude.

Unless health issues or local customs dictate otherwise, a boobshake should always be made using bare hands. In some regions, especially in Continental Europe, attempting to perform a boobshake while wearing gloves may be seen as an inappropriate or even derogatory behavior.

Also, it is important not to shake a woman's boob before you have been properly introduced to her. This will cause her some confusion, as she will wonder: why on earth is that man shaking my breast? It might make her think that perhaps you already know her, and then she'll awkwardly try to figure out how she can get you to say who you are without making it obvious that she doesn't know. Thus, the polite thing to do is at least give her your name before you make a grab for her chest.

Reverse boobshake

The reverse boobshake.

A popular variant on the boobshake is the "reverse boobshake." In this form, the man approaches the woman from behind, reaches over her shoulder with his right hand, and shakes her right breast vigorously.

A less formal version of the boobshake, the reverse boobshake implies friendliness and spontaneity, because the woman cannot see the man coming and thus is unaware that she is about to have her boobs shaken.

Greeting a girl with a reverse boobshake is similar to greeting one with a hug; some guys might be reluctant to initiate this greeting because it seems excessively familiar, but once he's done it a few times, it becomes like second nature.

Modern customs

Generally it is considered inappropriate, if not outright insulting to the initiator side, to reject a boobshake without good reason (such as an injured left breast). For example, in November 2007, an American student refused to shake Senator Hillary Clinton's boob. Immediately after, he was detained and interrogated by security for three hours and his student ID was confiscated.

Among Arabic-speaking people, boobshakes accompanied with the salutation As-Salamu Alaykum (I am holding your boobs) are an old tradition.

See also

• Sideboob
• A wooden boob that's shaped like a mop
• Peakaboobs
• Slut