Biomedical Engineering

A common biomedical engineer practicing his poetry skills.

Biomedical Engineering (BME) is a branch of poetry. Biomedical engineers typically write poems about human body parts, such as the arms. Biomedical engineering has been considered to be a hybrid genre of biology, medical science, and engineering, but it is becoming recognized as an individual branch of poetry. Most biomedical engineers choose to write their poems with pencils, but some prefer the more traditional method of writing with syringes.

History of Biomedical Engineering

The first recorded Biomedical Engineering poem was written by Socrates in 353 BCE. However, Socrates actually plagiarised one of Abraham Lincoln's works, claiming it as his own. Although the carbon dating shows this to be true, most people deny it because they don't want to admit Socrates was a plagiarist. Eight years later, Socrates' poem was stolen by communists and moved to a museum in Russia. This caused the art of biomedical engineering to be lost for a long time, until the poem was discovered by Joseph Stalin in 1523, reviving the genre. To this day, millions of biomedical engineers write over 3 billion poems each year.

Example Poems

"A few years ago our reproductive systems brought fifth on this continent, a new organism, conceived out of science, and dedicated to the proposition that all medicine is created equal." -Socrates, founder of biomedical engineering.

"Hello, I am a
Biomedical engineer.
This is a haiku." -Mao Zedong, professor of biomedical engineering.

"Now, that the heart's function has ceased,
I have learned to accept my inevitable fate." -Joseph Stalin, shortly before dying of a heart attack.

Notable Biomedical Engineers

Socrates

Main Article: Socrates
Many people claim Socrates was the first biomedical engineer, but the evidence suggests he plagiarised from Abraham Lincoln. Most people know Socrates as "that one Greek guy that invented pie," but he is known as the founder of biomedical engineering.

Abraham Lincoln

Main Article: Abraham Lincoln
Abraham Lincoln is the real first biomedical engineer, as he existed long before Socrates. The carbon dating of Lincoln's poem shows it to be from around 4653 BCE, shortly after he signed the Declaration of Independence and fought in World War II. However, by the time Socrates was born, the copyright laws on Lincoln's poem expired, allowing it to be stolen.

Mao Zedong

Main Article: Mao Zedong
Mao Zedong is the professor of biomedical engineering at MIT. He is the oldest living biomedical engineer, he is Socrates' nephew. Mao taught over 1,533,000 people throughout his career.

Joseph Stalin

Main Article: Joseph Stalin
Joseph Stalin was a communist from the Soviet Onion. His only degree was in astronomy, so most people question whether he should be classified as a biomedical engineer or not. He only made one poem, болезнь сердца, which is debatable whether it's a true biomedical engineering poem or not.

How to Become a Biomedical Engineer

Do you want to become a biomedical engineer? Just follow these simple steps:

1. Get a Bachelor's degree in Biological Science.
2. Get a Ph.D. in Medical Science.
3. Get an Associates degree in Engineering.
4. Get a Ph.D. in English.
5. Successfully perform 6 heart surgeries in a row while blindfolded.
6. Build a bridge from Tokyo to Seattle in the span of one month.
7. Send an email to one of the following: The president of Canada, the queen of England, the president of Russia, or Taylor Swift.
8. If they accept you, you will officially become a biomedical engineer.
9. Now go write the best poems you can think of.