Benedict Cumberbatch

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Benedict Cumberbatch, also known as "Blueberry Cookiebatch", is the world's only man working as both a consulting detective and magician, which is just a code word for prostitute. He works at 221B Baker Street with his partner, Martin Freeman. One of his most visited clients is the psychopathic pimp, Jim Moriarty. He met his end when facing the serial killers Mark Gatiss and Steven Moffat, who shit out convoluted self-masturbatory plots the way you and I shit out Indian food after you ate like a pound of laxatives.

He looks really weird I bet.

Life[edit | edit source]

Before Bumpercar Crumplezone started his job as a "consulting detective", he studied the magic of acting. He wasn't very good at it, however, attempting a few shows himself despite the lack of passion.

Career[edit | edit source]

Bendabitch Cuminsnatch is currently a gay prostitute. But not just any gay prostitute, like the best gay prostitute ever. I am a satisfied client and rate him ⅘ stars. I use his services every day and can confidently say I will be going back. Bumpercar Crumplezone had a temporary career as an actor for some show, but it didn't really get off the ground and he proved a rather simplistic dull actor. Legend has it you can summon him by saying his name in the mirror three times. “Beehive Coochiesnatch, Bermuda Callzonehat, Burgendy Colesterol” He will grant you three wishes but they all have to involve him in some way.

In early 2015, Benedict Cumberbatch vlogged a trip to Central Africa, where he was thoroughly assaulted by cheetahs. The only viable route of escape at the time was a tree filled with bee hives. As a result, his face was damaged permanently when he was thoroughly assaulted by 12,000 bees instead.

Difficulties with spelling[edit | edit source]

Bandersnatch Cumberbund's name has proven difficult to spell by simpletons whom cannot even fathom the intricacies of this incredulous world.