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Ballhand is a team sport, involving a ball and a hand. The hand and ball may belong to the same person, in which case none of the players are women.


Ballhand was invented by the English-language Uncyclopedia in 2018. It was created as a parody of the most unpopular sport in the world, handball.


The player owning the hand (handler) touches the ball of the player owning the ball (baller). There are two legal touches:

  • Caressing is the fondling of the ball as if it was your favorite kitty. This should make the baller get an erection and lose focus.
  • Punching is when the handler punches the baller's ball hard enough to make him lose focus.

Any other touch, including kicking or sucking the ball, is illegal. The game ends after 20 minutes, and then the referee decides which player has the least focus. The player with the most amount of focus is the winner.

Differences from handball[edit]

None. In handball, the purpose is to knock out all of the other team's goalkeepers, by throwing hard balls at them as hard as you can, from the closest possible range, until their goal remains completely empty. Handball & ballhand are exactly the same.

Why should I play ballhand?[edit]

OK. Say you are currently playing ballhand with a lady. This would automatically indicate that you have balls.


Women ballhand[edit]

Women ballhand doesn't exist.

Beach ballhand[edit]

Beach ballhand is played on the beach. It is even less popular than handball, since naked balls are not allowed on beaches, contrary to naked boobs.

Which is even dumber than being a handball goalkeeper.

The end.