AirHeads
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AirHeads are the severed heads of a mysterious species of unicorn made out of cotton dioxide branded as candy. It was invented by Mr. Balloon Man in 50,000 BCE in the Italian industrial revolution of Kentucky when he mixed a bunch of random shit together that ended up tasting good. It helped cure most of the worst known diseases on Earth, such as the Black Death and the increasing fatalities from omphalophobia. Its ability to solve the world's problems explains its famous catchphrase, "Totally In Control!"
Marketing[edit | edit source]
AirHeads are sold all across the Milky Way. On the Moon, they're called "No-Air Heads" and on Venus they're called "Hot-Air Heads", in Ireland they're called "Hot Heads" and are mostly beer flavored, and in the Netherlands, they're just "Weed", just like any other kind of Dutch food. AirHeads are most popular in the United States, soooooo popular, in fact, that there will probably be an AirHeads flavored Sprite at Taco Bell sooner or later. The polluted flavors in China, however, were not so successful.
Nutritional facts[edit | edit source]
AirHeads are known for being so healthy they're unhealthy, perhaps the greatest paradox ever to have occurred on the surface of the Earth. Any paradox, according to every scholar in the world, that is greater than this one would make the human mind fill up with air and explode.
Company[edit | edit source]
AirHeads is the third largest corporation on Earth after McDonald's and Skittles, although Amazon is catching up. The CEO of AirHeads comes from a long ancestral line of very talented entrepreneurs that maintained the survival of the company.
There are strict policies at each of the factories. For example, all workers must be clowns, jesters or balloon men trained to be addicted to sugar-helium. This is why if you've seen an AirHeads factory before, you see a bunch of unicycles and punch buggies in the parking lot. However, AirHeads is losing workers since McDonald's is stealing a lot of their clown workers. McDonald's appeals more to clowns because their CEO is literally a clown. As a result, AirHeads is becoming less strict in its employment policy, and are now accepting flat-earthers too, who are literally air heads. Ever since they let in flat-earthers, the quality of he candy has increased by 50%. Many flat-earthers who come in to the factories reportedly don't make it back out. If you're thinking what I'm thinking, that's probably why AirHeads tastes so good today.