AirHeads

The current AirHeads logo was created by Picasso during the Renaissance.

Airheads are the world's most common population group, with a population of over 17 billion. They breed like rabbits are very prolific, and have created most of the world's literature, buildings, and societies. Airheads are celebrated in many cultures, such as the South and The Oscars. The world's first recorded airhead was Moronicles, an ancient Greek Scholar who tied himself to a wagon by accident and was dragged around Athens.

The severed heads of Airheads are also branded as candy. Mr. Balloon Man was the first to discover that the empty heads of Airheads could be vastly improved by filling them with sugar, among other things. This didn't make Airheads stronger, or smarter, it didn't even make them smell better, but it did make them taste finger-lickin' good. So good was the taste of the first Airhead candy, that it helped cure most of the worst known diseases on Earth, such as the Black Death and the increasing fatalities from omphalophobia. Its ability to solve the world's problems explains its famous catchphrase, "Totally In Control!"

Habitat

The natural distribution of Airheads stretches across all continents, but they are most commonly found in Fenway Park, Idaho, and Donald Trump's cabinet. Domestic Airheads are farmed for food all over the world, but even the most preachy, self-righteous vegans and animal rights activists would never protest this, due to the stupidity and great taste of these creatures.

Marketing

AirHeads are sold all across the Milky Way. On the Moon, they're called "No-Air Heads" and on Venus they're called "Hot-Air Heads", in Ireland they're called "Hot Heads" and are mostly beer flavored, and in the Netherlands, they're just "Weed", just like any other kind of Dutch food. AirHeads are most popular in the United States, soooooo popular, in fact, that there will probably be an AirHeads flavored Sprite at Taco Bell sooner or later. The polluted flavors in China, however, were not so successful.

Nutritional facts

AirHeads are known for being so healthy they're unhealthy, perhaps the greatest paradox ever to have occurred on the surface of the Earth. Any paradox, according to every scholar in the world, that is greater than this one would make the human mind fill up with air and explode.

Company

AirHeads is the third largest corporation on Earth after McDonald's and Skittles, although Amazon is catching up. The CEO of AirHeads comes from a long ancestral line of very talented entrepreneurs that maintained the survival of the company.

There are strict policies at each of the factories. For example, all workers must be clowns, jesters or balloon men trained to be addicted to sugar-helium. This is why if you've seen an AirHeads factory before, you see a bunch of unicycles and punch buggies in the parking lot. However, AirHeads is losing workers since McDonald's is stealing a lot of their clown workers. McDonald's appeals more to clowns because their CEO is literally a clown. As a result, AirHeads is becoming less strict in its employment policy, and are now accepting flat-earthers too, who are literally air heads. Ever since they let in flat-earthers, the quality of he candy has increased by 50%. Many flat-earthers who come in to the factories reportedly don't make it back out. If you're thinking what I'm thinking, that's probably why AirHeads tastes so good today.

Notable Airheads

• Jim Henley, who congratulated a friend on being pregnant when she had actually just gained 50 pounds.
• Nathan Hale, the world's worst spy.
• Homer Simpson
• Robert Garet, who declared that Martin Luther King Jr. "never really did anything important".
• George Bush
• Ira Duisburg, who tucked his shirt through his fly.
• Holly Daley, who used "much" to describe a countable quantity, instead of "many"
• Rick Rosebush, who replied "Me too" when his date said "I love you."