User:Zim ulator/Catbox/Fossilised kitty biscuits

Bat Fuck:The programming language

Deepak Chopra says according to auantum mechanics, anything can happen at any time for no reason. Thas is the purpose of dysfunctional programming.

Attic Greek

ATTIC GREEK is a phrase denoting a specific sexual position performed in the attic of the domicile.

We predict John Edward will sues UnNews for defamation of character

John Edward's steely psychic gaze fill UnNews with dread. And what's with that tan line on his forehead?

ST PETERSBURG, Florida -- Famed psychic weirdo John Edward will file papers in a Florida court today to bring suit against UnNews for libel, defamation of character, and hurting his feelings. Uncyclopedias crack legal team has been gearing up for "a precedent-setting outcome", according to UnNews legal analyst Ignacio Strogatz.

"With all of this information gathered ahead of time, I think we're off to a proper start," continued Strogatz.

Reverend zim_ulator drives the UnCanninator, UnNews' own gateway to the land of the dead, and Hell too.

Nicorrete Rarson

billy goat blower.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nicolette_Larson

http://www.nicolettelarson.com/main.html

Christian Apolpgetics for the stupid

http://www.apologizingforjesus.com/

Merry Kaizume Me!

Kaizum Me! is the first holiday sanctioned by the church of zimizm. It's origin lay in the distant past, circa 1978 at Kadena Air Base at Okinawa. A witty acquaintance who knew I had an interest in the arts martial put a heavy question to me: "What the fuck does kaizum me! mean?!" The phrase was apparently uttered by a sort of referee during martial arts sparring, and was accompanied by a gesture or gestures, lost to the mists of history, and signaled the beginning of animated and sometimes silly forms of combat. God told me, in a dream, that "Kaizum Me!" means "commence to beating the shit out of one another!"

Because Uncyclopedia is a crucial organ of the body of the church of zimizm, it is intuitively obvious that Kaizume Me has a reciprocal meaning to it's actual meaning in Okinawan meat space, that is to say, an Uncyclopedian using the phrase "Kaizume Me!""' is saying "commence to stop beating the shit out of one another and have a few laughs". Braydie said that this is all nonsense, and provided me with a sequence proofs and paradoxes (such as the now infamous, "if an Uncyclopedian says Kaizum Me to another Uncyclopedian, does it un-undo the meaning, and make it a hostile utterance?"), but I condemned him to an eternal hell of moles inhabiting his lower bowel, so pay no attention. Others say it is a wish for world peace, much like the sediment conveyed by such Holiday wishes as Merry Christmas, Happy Chaunakah, Happy Kwanza, Merry Your Relative Martyred Hiself For God Day, or whatever. I say, "blah!"

zim_cast

What could that be about?

From the craziness of IRC, ff used the word "zimcast" and it suddenly occured to me that it'd be kinda cool if we added a supplement to the podcast called the Weekly (or monthly, or never if you think this sucks) Zimcast where you are posed a few questions, and you attempt to address them with whatever style of advice takes your fancy (I'm thinking ranging from caustic cynicism to fluffy bunny talk, depending on who asked or some such attribute) so give me a buzz with your opinion. Also, hope you and seg have been well! Cheers! --Olipro Anchor KUN (Harass) 16:35, 21 October 2006 (UTC)

Possible cannon fodder for UnNews

To Severian re: UnNews:Nothing happens, world in chaos. "If nothing happens, we'll be there to find it." Grandiose, yet subtle, like an undertone of garlic and phosphorus.

On your knees, worthy one! The Right Reverend Major Sir Zim_ulator blesses you. Your blessings are increasing exponentially. In the name of Sophia, the Church of Uncyclopedia and the Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic, kneel and receive the melding of Zim's holy axe and your wetware. Now go write me a good UnNews article. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 03:48, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

You are blessed for an abundance of audio contributions. Go forth and stupify!

Cracker territories secede from the Union

Crackers rise to reclaim the South, compromise and settle for Midwest

In John Boorman's 1972 film Deliverance, Lewis, played by Burt Reynolds, derisively refers to the rural people they encounter as being "crackers," implying that they were slow-witted hillbillies who lived in a world much different from that of him and his friends from a southern city. (However, a northerner would be just as likely to call Lewis/Reynolds a cracker.)

The Democratic Party political machine that dominated city politics in Augusta, Georgia for most of the 20th century was known as "The Cracker Party."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cracker_%28pejorative%29

Since 1900 "cracker" has become a proud or jocular self-description. With the huge influx of new residents from the North, "cracker" is now used informally by some white residents of Florida and Georgia ("Florida cracker" or "Georgia cracker") to indicate that their family has lived there for many generations.

However, the term "white cracker" is not always used self-referentially and remains a disparaging term to many in the region.[1]

disambiguation page http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cracker

fossilized kitty bisquits

You're going to hell

Kansas -- If you're gay, etc, you're going to hell.

http://yourgoingtohell.com/

Exclusive interview with Joe Stalin

Rev Zim drives the UnCanninator.

This article is part of a series of interviews with the dead, using our patent-pending UnCanninator. The Cabal is planning to infiltrate society with UnCanninator Tech and compete directly with psychics like John Edward and with Scientology, on another front altogether. Profit projections are through the ceiling!

CAUTION Do not stare directly into this audio, nor should you expose yourself to it for more than 10 minutes at a go. This is some dangerous super-secrety-sciency stuff, so be careful and don't feed it to children unless child has a USB port.

If you don't believe any of this, you can bugger off!

---

Reverend zim_ulator test drives the UnCanninator, UnNews' own gateway to the land of the dead.

DIMENSION 7, the Universe -- Josef Stalin, composer, philanthropist, and wine tasting snob; we at UnNews have been very fortunate in obtaining an exclusive interview with the tyrant-dictator. A lot has changed in the last half century, and not surprisingly, Joe has been keeping apace with fashion trends. In 2003 he even tried his hand at clothing design, launching the Le Petit Prepuce line of men's lingerie during a bull market. Not to be outvogued, however, the recently dead Hussein brothers, Uday and Qusay, launched salvos of poorly-aimed SCUDs at Paris, disrupting the entire fashion season, and bringing Steeley Joe's efforts to a premature demise.

zim: "May I call you Joe?"

Stalin: "Of course, we are all friends here, yes?"

zim: "Joe, do you have any fashion secrets to share with us today?"

Stalin: "Well, for one thing, gay is the new black. Who could have seen that coming?"

zim: "Speaking of which, you're bisexual, right?"

Stalin: "Yes, but I've been in the "closet" until recently. Homosexuality was not tolerated in my Soviet Union. They were generally shot, of hanged, or shot and hanged."

zim

UnCanninator

''Editor's note: This article is the second in a segment
called Rev. zim Speaks With The Dead. Utilizing  
our home-grown ill-concieved machine called The 
UnCanninator (because it's based on ideas as looney 
as Scientology's "can" technology, and because it's use 
is by definition, Uncanny. Clever, eh?), we at UnNews are now
able to bring you exclusive interviews with those who've shed 
this mortal coil.

Reverend zim_ulator test drives the UnCanninator, UnNews' own gateway to the land of the dead.

Make an UnNews box about the UnCanninator.

YouTube videos

How can something be so wrong yet be so right at the same time?

New! - see this story broadcast on Boozy women fight less