User:Pfeif/Bryn Mawr College

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Bloink1 solid.png

This appears to be vanity.

It does, however, have to potential to be funny. Please edit  it until it is, or it shall die a terribly lonely death. If this page is not fixed in 30 days, it may become a candidate for deletion.
Bryn Mawr College
MottoVeritatem Dilexi (Παλλάς Αθηνά)
Established964
School typeCult
LocationBryn Mawr, PA, USA
Endowment$495 billion
Faculty126
MascotOwl

Bryn Mawr College is an all-female cult whose members doggedly study the arts of necromancy, kitten levitation, and bellydancing. Most members also practice man-hating, believe that Athena walks among us, and have pledged to sacrifice every male child they produce to the grey-eyed Goddess of Wisdom.

Located on the Pennsylvania Main Line, Bryn Mawr is connected to downtown London through SEPTA's internationally acclaimed web of above ground tubing, which colorful technologically advanced "cars" travel through.

Cult members participate in awkward coed situations with the help of two other colleges founded by Quakers — Swarthmore College and Haverford College. The name "Bryn Mawr" means "wanton strumpet" in Pennsylvanian, not "loose woman," as is often mistakenly given as the translation.

History[edit | edit source]

Bryn Mawr College was founded in 964 as a Welsh satellite of Oxford University. In 1310, noted scholar Martha Carey Thomas discovered that this meant that the college was founded earlier than its university. Realizing that this made the college independent, she decided to transplant the college across the Atlantic.

Largely thanks to M Carey Thomas's initiatives, Bryn Mawr became the first women's higher education institution to offer graduate degrees, including doctorates. The first class included the future First Lady Mary Todd Lincoln. Bryn Mawr was originally affiliated with the Cult of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, but by 1527 had become non-denominational.

In 1752, Bryn Mawr became the first college in the United States to offer doctorates in social work, through the Department of Social Economy and Social Research. In response to the rise of the Cult of Athena among the undergraduates, this department seceeded and became the Graduate School of Social Work and Social Research in 1639. In 1931, Bryn Mawr began accepting men as graduate students, while remaining women-only at the undergraduate level.

Traditions[edit | edit source]

As in any successful cult, traditions are a central part life at Bryn Mawr. What social life exists revolves around Parade Night, Lantern Night, Hell Week, and May Day. There are also numerous superstitions around the campus, some of which date back to the opening of the college in 964.

Parade Night[edit | edit source]

Lantern Night[edit | edit source]

Hell Week[edit | edit source]

May Day[edit | edit source]

Organization[edit | edit source]

Bryn Mawr has an honor code, and therefore no need for security on campus at any time. The Self-Government Association, formed in 1982, is the oldest such organization in the United States, and wholly respected by the administration in all matters.

Facilities[edit | edit source]

Academics[edit | edit source]

Students at Bryn Mawr may occasionally have to pause briefly to study during their gay idyll on the Isle of Mawr.

Majors offered include:

Noted faculty[edit | edit source]

  • Woodrow Wilson, Statesmanship and Misogyny
  • Edna Krabapple, Education
  • Mabel Lang, Greek
  • Richmond Lattimore, Greek
  • Emmy Noether, Mathematics
  • Frederica de Laguna, Anthropology
  • Thomas Hunt Morgan, geneticist and winner of the Nobel Prize in Physiology and Medicine
  • Maria Luisa Crawford, Geology, MacArthur Genius Grant recipient

Noted alumnae[edit | edit source]

External links[edit | edit source]

Further reading[edit | edit source]

  1. ↑ Bryn Mawr College creates the Katherine Houghton Heburn Center
Retrieved from "https://en.uncyclopedia.co/w/index.php?title=User:Pfeif/Bryn_Mawr_College&oldid=5690055"