Unquotable:Swedish Chef

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"Bårk bårk bårk!!"

Meet zee Svedish Chef, proprietor of all things Swedey and chef-like, cooker and eater of zee meety bolls, zee surströmming, and all those weird rancid foodstuffs eaten by Swedes, sooch es feesh iyes und zee leeke-a. Let's meke-a heem feel velcume-a by creeteeng a vhule-a pege-a dedeeceted tu zee "memureble-a" theengs thet hefe-a cume-a oooot ooff hees muoot in zee pest foo yeers! Yes, he-a is here-a legelly.

(Yes, he is a foreigner, so please bear with us. And yes, he has FlaggPunsch.)

DISCLAIMER: Swedes don't really talk like this, just the ones from Sweden.

Zee Sveedeesh Cheff on Food[edit]

  • "I cun't stup eateeng thuse-a demn Svedeesh Feesh!!"
  • "Jaaa!! FlaggPunsch ees on me! Surströmming und meety bolls forr eveeryvan!"
  • "Svedeesh Cheff poots sperm in yuoor bolls! Thet is my secret tu greet food. "
  • "Dun't vurry iff yuoo boorn zee tup, joost toorn it upseede-doon und blame-a zee Norvegian."
  • "Moove yuoor ooss, yuoo-a doonkey!"
  • "I loove tryeeng too-a soond like Gerden Ramseee, he ees-a soo furcefool!"
  • "Spread BOOTTA noot AIDS! GOOT EET? GOOD!!!"

Zee Sveedeesh Cheff on Politics[edit]

  • "Jaaa!! George-a Boosh cun keess my ooss!"
  • "Vat do you meen-a?! You cunt depoort me, I em a legill reseedent!"
  • "Tu make-a it in zee cold und unffurgeefing vurld ooff puleetics, you moost be-a veelling tu let goo ooff your meetbolls. Bork Bork Bork!"
  • "Espeerantoo vas a doomb ideea! Everyvan shuoold joost leern Sveedeesh! Börk börk börk!!"
  • "Either Boosh or elternateeve fuels vill bee zee doownfell oov men-kind, I'm juss placeeng my bet on Boosh."
  • "I say: let zem eelegell eemeegrents in! Amereeka is-a furr everee-vahn, oonless yuoo're Norvegian."


Zee Sveedeesh Cheff on Gremmer[edit]

  • "Villy Vonka vas a vild visher. Vat? Vat are you-a looffing at?"
  • "My Ingleesh is better thun yours. I cuoold teech you, boot I'd hefe tu charge. Bork Bork Bork!"
  • "You git un F! Børk børk børk!"
  • "I beffure-a E ixcept effter C. Børk Børk Børk!"
  • "Eeveeryvan shoould joost leern to speeek Sveedeesh! Demn fooreigners!"
  • "Illerie klintin? I vana kik it in da nutz"

Zee Sveedish Chef on Sveeden and Svedes[edit]

Mmm, keeds! Hebba soom deee-leecious LUTEFISK!
  • "Sveeden roocks!!"
  • "You goo forr zee meety bolls, you stay-a forr zee Sveedeesh Cheff!"
  • "Vonce you goo Svedish, you vill navar goo back!"
  • "Vonce you goo tu Sveden you vill NEVER goo back."
  • "Sveden ees cumpereble tu un ooss, een zat zey ere buth muddy bruwn und smell leeke skit."
  • "I'd tep zat. Bork bork bork!"
  • "In Soviet Sveeden, partee find DU!"

Zee Sveedeesh Chef on Mooseeck[edit]

  • "Vhen my peemps in zee crib, mun: drup it like it's hut! Sveedeesh Cheff be peempin on 4-fo's!"
  • "Zose queers Fall Ooout Buy shoould leern to speek Inglish; I cun't oonderstund a vurd zey say!"
  • "Eeeveen betteer: leern-a Sveedeesh! Børk børk børk!!"
  • "Eveery rose-a hes its thurn..."
  • "Jaaa!! She's a dvelleeng plece-a forr demuns!"
  • "In Flames soocks! Go beck too vhere-ever des hell yuoo kemm fram!"
  • "Jaa!! Sveedeesh Cheff try stage-dive vonce; neerlee bruke my neck!"
  • "Ja, I em een un band, but I cun't pley anee eenstrumants, zat is vhy I em 'voceleest.' I get all ze gruoopies."

Zee Sveedeesh Cheff on Moofeees[edit]

  • "Luke, I em yuoor fazer..."
  • "Vhy deed zey cast Jessica Alba as Inveeseeble-a Voman? Eef yuoo're goeeng to make sume-van inveeseeble, pleese meke it Rosie O'Donnel! Or Gudrun Schyman! Bork bork bork!"
  • "Git zeese muoozerf***eeng snekes ooff zeese muoozerf***eeng plene right noo!"
  • "I dun't know aboot yuoo, boot I vuoold hafe taken zee bloo pill!"
  • "Tom Hanks soocks!"
  • "Zee name ees Cheff--Sveedeesh Cheff..."
  • "Ven I seed I keeled yu list... I lieed!"

See Oslo (Hveeech eees een Nooorvay)[edit]