Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:RandomDie/Borat Sagdiyev
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User:RandomDie/Borat Sagdiyev[edit source]
To be honest, I really don't like what I did here, but tell me what you think. Its supposed to be a replacement for the current Borat article. Now good night, I'm tired. -->:( 06:58, 22 December 2007 (UTC)
| Humour: | 7.5 | While I like the current references and jokes, I think that they can be pushed further. For example, I'm not a hundred percent on "I SCREW YOU !!!" On one hand, it's rather tame given the character, but on the other, being too profane isn't as funny as a more middle ground. I'd use "BANG" personally, but it's your article and your call. "SCREW" works just as well. In the list of states, I might slip a foreign country in as well; "Texas, Rhode Island, Great Britain, California..." Then again, I'm a whore for political jokes. Also, during the parts where you list things, try to build up towards the funniest of the list; for example, I would change the list of foto-camera to "(animals, people, women, nude women, nude women making toilet)". This way, you build up to the strongest punchline. |
| Concept: | 8 | I've been sitting here for about fifteen minutes mulling the concept, and the score has slowly risen as it has grown on me. My only hesitation is whether Mahir is well-known enough for people to get the comparison; he hit his prime almost a decade ago, which is effectively three eGenerations, and so you run the risk of biting into a stale joke or beating a dead horse. who also happens to be stale. This is not to say that it's a bad concept; far from it. The similarities between Borat and Mahir are worth exploiting, certainly; I believe that Mahir has actually accused Baron Cohen of lifting the character's mentality, personality, and appearance from his website, which adds another layer of depth to it and makes me like it more and more as I write this sentence. I would stick with this. |
| Prose and formatting: | 8 | Under the context of this article's intentions, the prose is fine, but I would recommend trying to more closely imitate the style of Mahir's website as far as text formatting go. Also, be sure to drop the "is" in My weight/penis; it's too functional to be broken English. |
| Images: | 7.5 | I'm in a very weird place with images; they're all good, but there should be a few more-- the concept necessitates it. Pad out the series of images before the final paragraph a little more, and perhaps see if you can't find/shop/beg for an image of people holding signs saying "WE KISS YOU BORAT"-- better yet, just shop one of Mahir's images so that instead of holding up a picture of Mahir, the "kissers" are holding a picture of Borat. I would also recommend an off-center Borat banner collage in the opening of the article, like on the site, although this isn't critical. |
| Miscellaneous: | 7.8 | Averaged using Template:Pee. |
| Final Score: | 38.8 | Initially I didn't like it, but the more I thought about it, the more it grew on me, and the more I enjoyed it. I think this would be a good rewrite for the Borat article; different from the standard jokes about how killing Jews is "very nice" and how the homosexuals will turn to dragons and eat all the wheat in Kazakhstan or whatever the current article says in its fiendishness. Spell check says "fiendishness" is a word. Awesome. I'm not sure that it's VFH-worthy just yet, but there's not a whole lot stopping it from becoming such. |
| Reviewer: |  Contestant CUN -- VFH NotM Buzz Ctrbs 02:26, 23 December 2007 (UTC)
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