UnNews:Who's set for the Glastonbury gig?

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

25 January 2007

The lead singer of the Arctic Mailmen.

In short: Not me.

ENGLAND, United Kingdom -- Glastonbury organiser Michael Eavis has confirmed that no one has brought any tickets to attend his annual Somerset music festival. However, he said that he is hopeful that some people will buy some tickets before the event starts, even if it is just members of his immediate family.

"It's not 100 per cent confirmed, but if he's having to borrow a few bob from me to go and get sweets from the shop, then I think we're in trouble," Michael's daughter told UnNews.

The lack of sales may be down to the fact that the Active Monkeys have confirmed to be playing.

When we went out onto the street to ask people why they wasn't attending the event, we were given the following response 9 times out of 10.

"Article who?"

Although it is hard to believe, the Archive Monkeys are not a very well known band, despite their recent chart success.

No one knows what Michael Eavis was doing when he decided to book this band, but the general public think he "was pissed".

"He was absolutely full to the brim - he didn't have any stomach space left for another shot," said his daughter, then he said "F**k it, I'll get those Anchovy Monsters to play."

This was probably the worst decision that Mr Eavis has made, at least next year he won't make the same mistake again.

Sources

• "Who's set for Glastonbury gig?" BBC News, January 25, 2007