UnNews:We need to talk about net neutrality

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This editorial is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-moron misinformation. You can bloody well piss off if you don't like it!


Wednesday, November 22, 2017

The FCC is planning to kill off net neutrality, which was strictly enforced by the Obama administration starting in 2015. Net neutrality is designed to prevent broadband or internet service providers from

  • blocking or slowing online content, including for competitive or political reasons. For example, Time Warner might block content from Comcast or AT&T because they are rival service providers. They might block an UnNews article because I called Trump a lying, treasonous, racist, sexist fraud with a tiny penis.
  • employing "fast lanes" by forcing companies to pay for faster speeds. This means it might cost a pretty penny just to see some stupid YouTube video of a cat in a top hat twerking to Halsey, or to watch some terrible straight-to-video movie on Netflix that got a 2% Rotten rating on Rotten Tomatoes and stars nobody you've ever heard of... at acceptable speeds.
  • charging you more across the board. See above.

This is completely unacceptable. The internet must ALWAYS remain free and open. Remember in January 2012 when SOPA and PIPA were proposed and everybody bitched about it until both bills died horrible bloody deaths that make Friday the 13th look like Sesame Street? Well, this is that whole episode all over again, except copyright law and its perils aren't part of the equation this time. This time, it's about the freedom of the internet. By which I don't mean not having to pay $400 dollars for cable, HD, 4K, every sports channel known to man, 50 channels you didn't know you had, and 700 channels you've never even heard of. America is a free country, even though people pay taxes.

  • Free = liberating and without restriction.
  • Free =/= costing zero cents.

Killing net neutrality would be an authoritarian act. George Orwell warned us of this sort of thing. This would shake the very foundation of the First Amendment. It would give Congress further reason to impeach Trump.

Call your local representatives and senators and tell them to keep net neutrality alive. They might tell you to fuck off, but one phone call is better than none. The loss of a free and open internet is not worth the risk. Plus, you may never see your precious porn again.

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