UnNews:Pope Benedict to play Blofeld in the new James Bond film

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17 September 2010

Pope Benedict as Blofeld.

London, United Kingdom -- Pope Benedict XVI has been asked if he wants to play the super villain Josef Ratzinger Blofeld in the next James Bond film We're Getting Desperate.

'Sauces' (Associate Director Cindy Sauces) close to the film's producers say Benedict has given the initial nod (or was that two nods?) to the idea and was ready to go with the role to help spread the message of evil Catholic Christianity to a wider audience. Speaking from her casting couch, Cindy Sauces said the Pope would be a perfect fit for the role as his quiet, foreign accented English would play well to the Americans as they believed everyone who didn't talk like them were inherently suspect. Sauces said:-

He sounds soooo sinister when he talks in English. You expect him to say 'throw that protestant to the piranhas' or 'bury the jew in the pig pen' in the same soft voice as if he was asking the little children to sing and hold hands with their priests. I think he's going to be knock out and we haven't written the dialogue yet when it comes to gays and lesbians. However, we have to miss out the Muslims as some of their leaders have threatened to torch any cinema showing our movie.

The film's other roles have yet to be cast but it is rumoured that further cast changes have been made to ensure the film is a success. James Bond will be played by U.S. President Barack Obama with Secretary of State Hillary Clinton as M and the Alaskan Foghorn Sarah Palin as the heartless,moose hunting assassin, Felix Leiter. All have agreed to try and sound English, using Dick Van Dyke's cockney accent in Mary Poppins as a template. Sauces says the film will still be shot in the UK, at least the bit with Big Ben in it but the rest of the action will be shot in and around the bankruptcy court in Los Angeles.

We're Getting Desperate is expected to be released in 2011, at around the same time the film company's directors are expected to go to prison.