UnNews:Ice cream flavor deemed racist

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to: navigation, search

Saturday, June 23, 2018

UnNews Logo Potato.png
Seriously, people?! Seems you're just looking for racism where there isn't any.

LEE'S SIDE -- Another day, another embarrassing example of SJW/social activism/political correctness gone ridiculously too far. We are more divided than ever, thanks to Donald Trump, Russians, Russian hookers, pee tapes, porn stars, "fake" news, Faux News, political corruption, and, most recently, internment of immigrants and separation of families.

And now it seems even something as innocuous as ice cream is something we can no longer agree on.

A mixed-race family from Louisiana are raising their voices against a vanilla-and-Dutch-chocolate flavor of ice cream called The Great Divide, which is half-and-half.

"The name is offensive," says mom Traci Schmidley. "Sounds like they're referring to the Mason Dixon Line. I don't know why; it just does. Why not just call it the Civil War flavor! Or A House Divided?"

For the record...

Record.jpg

We at UnNews don't see anything wrong, or even remotely racist, about "The Great Divide." We agree that this is all just a bunch of ballyhoo over nothing. It's simply two competing ice cream flavors in one tub of frozen dairy. If you can find the racism in that, I urge you to point it out, along with the biggest magnifying glass you can find.

Schmidley continued, "Rodney King was bad enough. OJ was bad enough. Police beatings were bad enough. Roseanne was bad enough. The border separation crisis is bad enough. Now, we can't even eat ice cream. This name is an injustice to dairy products the world over. If I were the cow and knew about this, I would refuse to volunteer my udders to this blatantly racist endeavor. Just find a less offensive name, and then you can have Michael Jackson back."

We reach out to Blue Bell for comment, and here' what they had to say. "What the fuck did I just read? What the hell's next, our name is offensive toward Smurfs? What's gonna be offensive next? Corn flakes? 'Hey, that little crumb on the floor is offending me. Let's put an end to this injustice once and for all.' Give me a fucking break."

Sources[edit]