UnNews:Homeopathic terrorists launch assault on US economy
Sunday, April 16, 2017
WASHINGTON, DC: In brutal reprisal for President Trump's recent executive order authorizing the unlimited usage of FBBs in the never-ending World-Wide War on Terrorism, a group of economic terrorists with secret ties to homeopathy have secretly planted a single coin somewhere into the United States virtual money supply with a monetary value of one trillionth of one cent. The US Federal Reserve has declared a state of emergency until such time that the so-called "Coin of Death" is isolated and neutralized before it can do substantial damage to the nation's precarious economic system.
The CIA has long suspected terrorists have been trying to gain access to advanced homeopathic technology, such as high-power industrial electric mixing machines, gigantic steel-plated vats, and the latest in modern uranium depletion methods. What with this unthinkable combination of outlawed equipment easily within hands reach, unprincipled homeopaths could, in theory, create super-micro-alloys with vanishingly-low amounts of pure gold, even as low as concentrations of less than a millionth of an atom of gold per metric ton of relatively-worthless silver.
The current location of the highly dangerous coin has yet to be determined, partly because of its relative worthlessness (approximately $0.00000000000001), but mostly because of its microscopic size (much smaller than a single pixel on a high-definition display device). The potential ramifications potentially include an impossible-to-ancipitate massive surge of hyperinflation the likes of which hasn't been experienced since the economic turmoil during the dreaded Nixon administration of the early-to-mid 1970s. Without adequate precautions the Federal Reserve estimates that, if the homeopathic coin were to spontaneously explode inside somebody's pants pocket, the entire world could be plunged into a new Dark Ages, reminiscent of the legendary Great Recession of 2008-2012.
- Fucking-Big Bombs
- Denoted as MV: the aggregate total of currency, bank deposits, debit cards, unpaid student loans, subway tokens, air-raid-shelter hoards of dehydrated corned beef, unclaimed piggy banks, and medical insurance saving accounts.
- US Grossly-Domesticated Production was $18,969,403,783,019 on 2017 April 16.
- According to http://www.usdebtclock.org
- Nominal 2025 value, adjusted for deflation.
- On the order of 1 (+/-10) microns.
- The Dallas-Texas Economic Zone would be particularly vulnerable to such an event, because of the larger-than-average leakage of men's pants pockets in that area.
- As told by online historical texts and our parent's mildly-exaggerated recollections of economic hardships.