UnNews:Guitars to become extinct after guitar tab controversy

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29 October 2006

This is Eddie Van Halen. The thing he is holding is called an electric guitar. Manufacturers will stop producing guitars in 2007 to prevent guitarists from playing copyrighted songs.

HELL -- After the controversy concerning the legality of guitar tablature (also known as guitar tabs) on the Internet, Fender, Gibson, Ibanez, and other major guitar manufacturers have announced that by 2007, guitars will no longer be produced by any company at any time to prevent further legal action. Says an Ibanez spokesman, "FREEBIRD! I am saddened by the tragic death of the guitar, and I will fight to support this issue in any way I can. We need more nerdy fifteen-year-old kids playing 'Freebird,' 'Eruption,' and 'Smoke on the Water.' Isn't it time, America?"

In 2005, the Music Publishers Association of America (MPA) threatened legal action against any site that has even the most trivial thing to do with so-called "illegal" guitar tabs. Many of these sites have shut down, and have relaunched with letters explaining the situation. Many of them contain profanity which cannot be printed or mentioned on air, except by Samuel L. Jackson or Oscar Wilde. This has served as a serious blow to the largest music industry since Napster and Enron. Now, the MPA is threatening to jail anybody who tries to butcher the Deep Purple classic "Smoke on the Water" and kill them via electric chair.

However, guitar tab sites are fighting back. They formed Eddie Van Halens of Tomorrow who Support Doing Illegal Activies Relating to Guitar and have begged on their knees for Steve Vai enthusiasts to support their cause. They currently have six members, three of whom are the same person.

The guitar was invented by Miss Cleo and Paul Shaffer in the 1870s. But it wasn't until the days of Jimi Hendrix that the guitar became an art form. Other notable guitarists include Ritchie Blackmore, Eddie Van Halen, Steve Vai, Joe Satriani, Socrates, Colin Mochrie, your mom, Zakk Wylde, uhh..., This Guy, and this guy, and this guy, this other guy, and that guy from Bon Jovi.


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