UnNews:God to Bozo: Cram it, clown!

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Friday, March 23, 2018

That's a Bozo No-No!

CHICAGO -- The wrong clown died today. Beloved children's television icon Bozo the Clown has died at the age of 89. After Trump tweeted more bullshit, including that he'd kick Joe Biden's ass in a fight, God mistook the two famous harlequins and told Bozo, "Cram it, clown!"

When asked to comment on the mistake, God told UnNews, "What's the difference. You've seen one clown, you've seen 'em all."

The Almighty clarified that He voted for Hillary. "But that Bernie guy had some good ideas. But let's be real, he's older than I am!"

The moment echoes a long-running urban legend in which some kid appeared on Bozo's popular show. The kid said a naughty word, to which Bozo retorted "That's a Bozo No-No!" The kid hit back with "Cram it, clown!" The rest is history. Who knows if it's even true, but it makes a damn good story.

Bozo debuted in 1949 and was nationally syndicated by 1965. The famous jester left the airwaves in 2001, though some Brazilian knockoffs marched on in those floppy shoes until as late as 2014.

Post-retirement, Bozo kept busy by performing at charities, bar mitzvahs, circuses and birthday parties. He was the original Ronald McDonald, once played John Wayne Gacy in a TV movie, and performed as a stunt double in both versions of Stephen King's It. He was up or the role of The Joker in The Dark Knight, which eventually went to the late Heath Ledger.

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