UnNews:GoT fan cannot remember anyone's name

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Monday, April 25, 2016

I think it begins with a D, but I'm fucked if I can spell it.

A Game of Thrones fan enthusiastically watched last night's season six opener, but was barely able to remember any of the characters' names as she attempted to tell UnNews what had happened.

Joanna Corey told us: "Well Jon Snow I definitely know. He seems to be dead still. Those other guys, you know the nice beardy one who got sent away by... by Stannis, he came back and found Jon, and then it was like, is he going to fight the Black Watch... wait, is it the Black Watch or the Night's Watch? Whether to fight them or not. Then that lady, I think she's called the Red Lady, the witch, didn't seem very convinced she could do anything to help.

"What else? Jamie Lannister came back to see Chelsea. And.. the red-headed Queen, the one with the gay brother, is still in prison. And the killer sisters killed... I think it was their brother.

"The Midget is with Little Finger. No wait, not Little Finger, the eunuch one. They are together in.... I wanna say Dan.. Din's.... the blonde girl's - the dragon girl's - city, I think.

"The dragon girl has been captured by Islamic State, and one of them wants to do her up the ass, but then they find out she used to be the wife of one of them, so they don't. The guy who is in love with her is looking for her with another guy, and somehow he finds this piece of jewellery she dropped in a field... and then he looks at his wrist, which is all scaly still.

"Sansa and Reek escape for about 5 minutes, then they get captured but they get saved by that massive blonde girl and her servant friend. Sansa's husband - that really horrible man - is sad because that other girl got thrown off the top of the castle.

"The little Stark girl, the cute boyish one who has gone blind, gets beaten up by a girl with a stick. I think it's going a bit Daredevil.

"Ah, Daredevil! Matt, Foggy, Karen, Kingpin, Punisher. Those are fucking names you can remember!"