UnNews:Former UnNews writer lands job at The Wrap, writes first article about Doug Jones
Saturday, December 16, 2017
UNNEWS HEADQUARTERS -- As part of my regular news feed on Yahoo!, I stumbled upon an article from The Wrap (not to be confused with its Hip-Hop oriented sister publication, The Rap) that reminded me of something you'd see right here on UnNews. The Wrap is not normally a satire publication, so this caught me and my colleagues by surprise. The article, by Tim Molloy, brilliantly combines Alabama senator-elect Doug Jones with the quirky actor of the same name [1]... and if that weren't enough, he throws in Kyle MacLachlan's character, Dougie Jones, from Twin Peaks, which was recently revived by Showtime.
I asked my colleagues if Mr. Molloy was one of our guys, and they were stumped. So I did a bit of sleuthing, or as they call it in our field, investigative journalism.
I quickly deducted that it wasn't LotofLOLS (best known for creating the Mr. Winkler meme back in 2007), since he never wrote any UnNews articles. [2]
For the record, the Winkler author's sole contribution to an UnNews article was as follows:
10:15, 13 November 2007 (diff | hist) . . (-4,102) . . UnNews:My son makes the play of the game (←Replaced page with 'Mr winkler is GAY')
Tim Molloy's style of writing reminded me of a once prominent UnNews jokester by the name of Zim ulator. If you replace the T with a Z, you get "Zim." It made more sense than any other crackpot theory. So I decided to contact Molloy to get to the bottom of this matter.
"PF4Eva! Long time no hear!" Mr. Molloy said.
"Zim, is that you?" I inquired.
"Used to be," Molloy said.
I congratulated him on his new job, and probed his Doug Jones article. He admitted that "the Doug Jones thing was so fucking funny that I couldn't resist UnNewsing it a bit. You never forget where you came from."
I confided that I, too, "couldn't resist UnNewsing it a bit. You never forget where you still are."
So there you have it, former UnNews writer Tim "Zim ulator" Molloy now has a high-paying job at The Wrap. And Doug Jones is three different people, one of them a fictional character.
Footnotes[edit | edit source]
- ^ Whose credits include Pan's Labyrinth, Nosferatu, Hellboy, Legion, and The Bye Bye Man.
- ^ And especially because I couldn't find one typographical or grammatical error.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Tim Molloy (a.k.a. Zim ulator) "Inside Doug Jones’ Amazing Year, From ‘Star Trek’ to ‘Twin Peaks’ to Senate" The Wrap, December 13, 2017
