UnNews:Former UnNews writer lands job at The Wrap, writes first article about Doug Jones

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Saturday, December 16, 2017

Former UnNews writer Tim "Zim ulator" Molloy now works for The Wrap. His first article, about Doug Jones, is quite reminiscent of his old job.

UNNEWS HEADQUARTERS -- As part of my regular news feed on Yahoo!, I stumbled upon an article from The Wrap (not to be confused with its Hip-Hop oriented sister publication, The Rap) that reminded me of something you'd see right here on UnNews. The Wrap is not normally a satire publication, so this caught me and my colleagues by surprise. The article, by Tim Molloy, brilliantly combines Alabama senator-elect Doug Jones with the quirky actor of the same name[1]... and if that weren't enough, he throws in Kyle MacLachlan's character, Dougie Jones, from Twin Peaks, which was recently revived by Showtime.

I asked my colleagues if Mr. Molloy was one of our guys, and they were stumped. So I did a bit of sleuthing, or as they call it in our field, investigative journalism.

I quickly deducted that it wasn't LotofLOLS (best known for creating the Mr. Winkler meme back in 2007), since he never wrote any UnNews articles.[2]

For the record, the Winkler author's sole contribution to an UnNews article was as follows:


10:15, 13 November 2007 (diff | hist) . . (-4,102)‎ . . UnNews:My son makes the play of the game ‎ (←Replaced page with 'Mr winkler is GAY')


Tim Molloy's style of writing reminded me of a once prominent UnNews jokester by the name of Zim ulator. If you replace the T with a Z, you get "Zim." It made more sense than any other crackpot theory. So I decided to contact Molloy to get to the bottom of this matter.

"PF4Eva! Long time no hear!" Mr. Molloy said.

"Zim, is that you?" I inquired.

"Used to be," Molloy said.

I congratulated him on his new job, and probed his Doug Jones article. He admitted that "the Doug Jones thing was so fucking funny that I couldn't resist UnNewsing it a bit. You never forget where you came from."

I confided that I, too, "couldn't resist UnNewsing it a bit. You never forget where you still are."

So there you have it, former UnNews writer Tim "Zim ulator" Molloy now has a high-paying job at The Wrap. And Doug Jones is three different people, one of them a fictional character.

Footnotes[edit]

Sources[edit]

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