UnNews:Tree-hugging liberal Jones slaughters sick pedo Moore in Alabama election

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Wednesday, December 13, 2017

Doug Jones gives his victory speech in Alabama.

ALLYBAMMY -- It seems not even 'Bammy will tolerate a sick, perverted pedophile like Republican Roy Moore in the United States Senate. The sexual misconduct allegations certainly cost him big time, as tree-hugging, rich-hating, middle-class-loving, gay-supporting liberal Doug Jones narrowly slaughtered middle-class-hating, gay-hating, underage-girl-loving, tax-hating, rich-loving hypocrite conservative Moore in the Alabama special election to replace Russia-colluding, recusal-violating, perjuring, middle-class-hating, rich-loving, non-rich-white-heterosexual-Christian-hating Republican Jeff Sessions.

With 99 percent of precincts reporting, at last count, Jones leads Moore 50 to 48 percent. 'Bammy, like most Southern states, is normally a reliably Republican state, but Moore's pedo tendencies seem to have had Trumpanzees rethinking their party loyalty. The black vote was quite strong. Do the math, and you can see the writing was on the wall from the get-go.

Jones's win is a victory for Alabama, America and Democrats, and diminishes the Republicans' chokehold on the Senate. It also diminishes Trump's impact and influence. It also means we can jam to Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Sweet Home Alabama" without any shame or irony.

Speaking of Skynyrd, can't you smell that smell? That's the smell of the Republican Party slowly rotting to death, which it has been doing since Nixon.

See, even Allybammy done good for once.

Sources[edit | edit source]