UnNews:Dads want strange for Christmas

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to: navigation, search

Monday, December 18, 2017

Dad, smiling despite the quiet sense of desperation.

An international survey has revealed that what dads really want for Christmas: some goddamn pussy that doesn't belong to your mother.

The world's dads, while expressing their appreciation for the occasional tasteful shirt (which reminds them that they work) or aftershave (which reminds them of when they used to go out), voted in large numbers to be gifted a woman, any woman, that would shine a chink of sweet, sweet novelty in their lives.

One dad told UnNews: "I actually overheard my eldest daughter telling my wife I was difficult to shop for the other day. I almost exploded! I came this close to saying, 'Get me a fucking Thai massage, or a hot college student, or a blonde with huge boobs... or a black girl!'

"You know those articles about the most common wishes of the dying? I bet the one they don't tell you is 'I Never Fucked a Black Girl With a Giant Ass'."

Daddy Issue expert Joanna Corey helped us to understand the results: "Have you ever marveled at how people stay together for decades in a monogamous relationship? Have you ever doubted if you could do the same?

"Well, the reality turns out to be that - guys at least - spend the whole duration of their monogamous relationships dreaming about getting some strange, and I think as the younger generation, we should show them our appreciation.

"That's why not only am I getting my dad a medium-priced prostitute... I am also offering my services for your dad."

UnNews Logo Potato.png