UnNews:Conan O'Brien killed by California storms
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
21 January 2010
LOS ANGELES, California - Southern California is currently experiencing the worst heavy storms in years, consisting of tornadoes, wildfires, mudslides. Over 800 homes have been evacuated around the Los Angeles area, while only a few deaths have been reported. One of which was the host of The Tonight Show.
Comedian Conan O'Brien was found buried alive this morning under 400 pounds of mud outside his house. While his body was mangled up and filthy, his haircut miraculously remained clean and undamaged.
"There was just too much mud thrown," one paramedic said. "Conan didn't stand a chance. He certainly didn't deserve this abuse."
O'Brien, who had moved to Los Angeles last May to takeover hosting The Tonight Show, was warned about the dangerous California weather from friends in the entertainment business. "It's a risk I'll have to take," O'Brien proudly stated, "if it means millions will laugh at my quirky behavior."
O'Brien's pudgy Tonight Show sidekick, Andy Richter, had a nervous breakdown upon hearing the news, and was committed to the Los Angeles State Mental Institution. Nurses there say he's blabbing on about how he used to control the universe with several unidenticle quintuplets.
Jay Leno is scheduled to fill Conan's position by returning to The Tonight Show as host. "At first I didn't want to do it," said Leno, "because I thought it would be disrespectful to Conan, but NBC insisted that he would have wanted it that way."
The executives at NBC, who have shown O'Brien nothing short of the highest respect, released this statement:
| “ | We at the National Broadcasting Company are greatly saddened by the loss of Conan O'Brien. He was a charming, funny young man with potential for a bright future. We wish his wife, his children, his friends, his fans, his stalker, his wacky characters, and Abe Vigoda our deepest sympathies. | ” |
Conan O'Brien's funeral is scheduled for Friday night. Guests include Will Ferrell, Tom Hanks, and musician Neil Young. Max Weinberg has agreed to say a special Jewish prayer, while Triumph the Insult Comic Dog is expected to give the eulogy.
Update: The Tonight Show set has been found destroyed by the storms as well.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Bill Carter "Say farewell to Conan O'Brien" New York Times, January 21, 2010
- Cynthia Osterman "Southern California slammed by strongest storms in years" Reuters, January 20, 2010