UnBooks:The Five Stages of Being Banned from Uncyclopedia

Introduction

You, after getting permanently IP banned from Uncyclopedia. Sucks!

Being banned from Uncyclopedia is no simple task (at least, it shouldn't be.) On a site like this, where God is dead and it's a blessing to meet another sane human, you'd think being banned would be a relatively simple process. That's true (sort of) but it is good to know how far down Shit creek you are in this near lawless hellhole of a site. In this epic tome, we shall break it down in five simple and easy to understand steps.

1: Warning

The first step is a simple warning. This usually happens when you do do some stupid shit that deserves recognition from our Holy Overlords. Items that fall under warning worthy are as follows

• Reverting admins's edits
• Editing pages you are not supposed to (ie: in someones Userspace)
• Making stupid or irrelevant posts in Village Dump in large quantaties
• Making articles that harrass or bully others
• Engage in an edit war
• and more!

If you get warned once, don't worry too much. As long as you aren't a repeat offender, you should be fine... Unless you are like some people and are extremely stubborn/prideful/arrogant/just like being the human equivalent of a tumor. Which brings us to our second step

2: Editing restrictions

After the Admins are tired of you constant vandalism or other such debauchery, your account will have editing privileges temporarily revoked, long enough for Admins to clean up the mess you made, or long enough so that you can learn your lesson and be a functioning member of society. Know this, however, if you get this far down the banning rabbit hole, Admins should now have you on their radar, and know that you are a troublemaker. They will keep you on watch, and when you screw up, they will almost immediately know. Things that may result in Editing restrictions are as follows:

• Engaging in several edit wars
• Writing a gross amount of stub or vandal articles
• Reverting Admins
• Etc

3: Temporary account block

Now this step is the big one. You've fucked up enough shit (or done something so heinous it skips the other two steps) that the admins had to temporarily block your account. Now sometimes the admin will have some grace around some significant holidays and unban you earlier than your projected time, but don't count on it. Admins are cruel heartless bastards with no regard for human life or emotions and could care less about stomping on your ability to pointlessly tap away at a keyboard writing stupid shit on a website older than I am. For them that's literally their job for a majority of the day. Violations that can result in a temporary account block on Uncyclopedia include:

• Directly harassing a fellow Uncyclopedian
• Attempting to take down articles in someone's Userspace
• Reverting Admins
• Generally just being a dick

At this point admins have you under their microscope, and continued fuck ups will be severely punished, which leads into our next step.

4: The Queens Reader

Remeber, admins are always watching. And they smell awful.

The Queens Reader is the highest and most dignified honor a social tumor can seek to achieve. Upon an admin bestowing this mark of beauty, everything on your userpage will be deleted and a single template, addressing your ascension will be all that remains. A scar, of a past long forgotten. Kinda like the bombed out ruins of Leningrad, or Stalingrad, but for people with way too much free time. It should be noted that, once a user has been crowned a Queen's reader, they've essentially had their account been banned for life, and once that happens, there's no turning back. You've been exiled to a fate worse than account deletion and are left with very little choices if you want to continue editing.

Permaban are something used in only the most extreme cases, or when Admins have had enough of your constant bullshit, Typically that means to net yourself a permaban you'd have to do something that would warrant actual legal punishment (think, posting pics of a dead body/gore, noncery, etc.) or just be known site-wide as a capital D Dick. Breaking the Tos on multiple separate occasions of either Uncyclopedia or Mediawiki may also warrent a permanent home on Ban island.

5: IP Ban

Now, this is the big one,the magnum opus of trash, the mother of all fuckups, the hit on the thumb with a hammer when you were really aiming for a nail and it really hurts when you hit it, a full on IP ban. While IP bans on websites aren't very common on most websites, you're on a parodic wiki site that morons fester in, there's eventually a line that cannot be crossed. IP bans are reserved for the highest of morons that cause a very minor amount of trouble in the grand scheme of things, and must be assured that they cannot fuck up the shithole Glorious and great wiki known as Uncyclopedia. The specific criteria of an IP ban isn't exactly clear, but the only solution to repealing an IP ban is probably getting on your knees and sucking off a mod, or their goat, which is probably an unpleasant experience for all parties involved, especially the goat. Poor bastard.

Conclusion

To conclude this great epic tome of debauchery and bullshittery, Uncyclopedia is a place of freedom, a place of self expression without fear of persecution by wider society, a place where you won't be lynched for liking Nickleback, just judged heavily and chastised accordingly you uncultured swine. You know who you are and you must atone for your sins.

But for the love of god, there's like two rules on here, don't be a dick, and don't break the law, is it too much to ask of to not follow them? If there is one takeaway from this article you can get, don't be an asshole. Get it through your lead-lined skulls and have a nice day.