Texting while driving

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“Texting while driving, also called texting and driving, is the act of composing, sending, reading text messages, email, or making similar use of the web on a mobile phone while operating a motor vehicle.”

Texting while driving is a major crime, an act that threatens the foundations of society. It's an act of ultimate carelessness and cruelty. It's extremely dangerous and still you do it. What the hell is wrong with you? I mean, come on man, it's not that hard to be separated from your beloved smartphone like for fifteen minutes. Well... yeah, it's hard, but please don't use it while driving. It's outlaw, you criminal scum!


The history of texting while driving is way longer than the history of cars and phones. There have always been careless idiots with the hyperactive temperament, that keads to them not being able to focus on one thing, even when it needs focusing on. Even going back to ancient times, "Thou shalt not inscribe tablets of stone while riding thine horse", says the Holy Bible.

Texting while driving has always been a bad habit especially for young people. Pharaoh Tutankhamun, for example, maybe died after he crashed his chariot because his focus was on inscribing some papyrus for his friend. Hieroglyphics found on papyrus inside the chariot's wreck said "Yea bro, meet u guys at my papa's pyramid later today". Yeah, what a stupid reason to die. In Ancient Rome the Praetorian Guard patrolled the streets to stop writing while riding, since it caused more deaths than the barbarians. In Medieval history, the crusaders had this problem too, and it might be one of the reasons why the Second Crusade was such a failure. During the Third Crusade Richard the Lionheart said that he thinks "Writing and sending messages on parchment is a bigger problem for his army than Saladin". Richard the Lionheart knew what he was talking about, he was a good and wise king. Don't text and drive, or Robin Hood died for nothing. The reason why Christopher Columbus ended up in America when he was supposed to go to India, is hypothesized to be because he was focusing on sending bottled messages full of XOXOs and <3s to his girl back in Genoa. In most cases texting and driving leads to "only" a few deaths, but in this case it led to a fucking genocide. So, it's maybe better that you just wait until you get to your destination and answer then. In 19th century America, many people accidentally hanged themselves on telegraph wires while trying to send telegrams while horse riding. Also steam locomotive drivers and their telegrams were a problem, by messing up kilometers of wire and track.

Sexting while driving[edit]

First of all: This. Is. Just. Stupid. (Well, it can be awesome, it's about sex after all, but still stupid.) Lets think about it: You are driving a car (or motorcycle, witch is even more stupid), an innovation that allows one go twenty times faster than their body. Your reflexes are supposed to work in speeds less than like 25 km/h, and so is your spatial perception. Your body is unable to handle or endure forces that any kind of collision in higher speeds would cause. And then you think having a little hot time with your girl- or boyfriend would be a good idea. Great thinking, comrade, great thinking. You're so not gonna die.

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