Ken Currie
 | |
| Rank | C |
|---|---|
| Predecessor | Mr Big Nose McClure |
| Successor | Keith Maskell hopefully |
| Date of Birth | Unknown |
| Place of Birth | Falkirk |
| Political party | Socialist Party of St. Andrews |
Perhaps you were looking for Indian Cuisine?
Ken Currie (born on earth) is a rector/headteacher at Madras College, a prison in the Socialist People's republic of St. Andrews. He is known best for his appearance on Good Morning Britain in 2023 when ITV came looking for some pupils to make fun of on exam results day. Unfortunately (or fortunately for him) all of his pupils did well in their exams with some even managing to scrape a D (45% ish) which was a surprise to many as most pupils who go to Madras can't do basic maths such as .
Career
Ken Currie allegedly started of life in Falkirk (pronounced Fock-ert) as a Design and Technologies teacher which makes no sense as he was clearly named to be a Home Economics (cooking for nerds) teacher. After a while he decided that Falkirk was a horrible place so he started teaching in Stirling which is so much better, not.
We don't know why he left Stirling, probably because he spent his time picking up more litter than actually doing his job.
At some point in the last 10 years he moved to Kirkcaldy (the best place in Fife… ok, worst) and worked at Balwearie High School where he was a "guidance teacher" i.e. sit and act like you care about children just because you are paid to. He must have been good at this job as he got promoted to deputy rector.
Rumour has it that he also worked at Currys PC World however their is little evidence to support this other than propaganda made by the sixth year pupils of Madras during their "Study" periods (known as Ken's Curry Club).
The Madras College Arc
Ken saw that Madras College was missing a rector after the toilet incident so he decided to step up to be the full time rector at the school. As a result most pupils at the school (as well as the pupils he taught at his former ones) make fun of him as Madras is a type of curry. Not only this, but he spends most of his time in the school picking up litter which is strange as all authority figures stay in their office all day drinking coffee, weird.
Ken doesn't like confrontations or public speaking, in fact he will avoid it at all costs. The only reason he appeared on Good Morning Britain was that he was told that it would make the school look better, this was a lie as the only thing that happened was that people would mock him on X, formerly twitter/bird app. When "telling off" students he will ask them stupid questions and just ask them "not to do that again" which is pointless as every day in Madras is opposite day. His students are so out of control that at one point one of them remarked "Nuh-uh" and waved their finger at him when told to stop swearing. It got that bad that S6 pupils who had been subjected to hell by younger pupils had resorted to "decorating" the walls with fun signs such as "Ken says no to vaping", "Ken says to bin your rubbish," "Caution, lost first years in corridor ahead," etc. Ken is unhappy about these transgressions and routinely sends his goons to take them down, and will prosecute whomever is responsible for these heinous acts.
The school inspection of 2023
On September 19th, the school had the Fire Safety Insurance people in to inspect how safe the school is. However, Ken decided that to try and keep the insurance costs down he would make sure that there could not be any open doors, posters on walls or even vaping in the toilets. Ok, that was a joke, he would NEVER ban vaping in the toilets as that would require using his brain. Anyways, all the posters enforcing all of the 2 rules and even the prefect rota (that was up for a total of 16 hrs) got removed in case they were seen as a "fire risk". The prefects were happy with this as it meant that they didn't need to do slave duties for a singular day.
Famously Hot?
Ken Currie has been called "beautifully bald" and "my attraction to you spans generations and continents" (this one was by Keith Maskell.
On numerous occasions, Mr Curry has been caught scratching German in his desk. When transcribed, they turn into a beautiful story about how he supposedly is a wide receiver.
During his time at Madras College, Ken has had to repeatedly hide from hordes of excitable fans who have found where he works after becoming besotted with him. This led to the Great Madras Siege of 2025, yet to happen but it will assuredly occur.