Keith Maskell
 | |
| Rank | S |
|---|---|
| Predecessor | The Big Bang |
| Successor | Irreplaceable |
| Date of Birth | 1960s |
| Place of Birth | Scotland |
| Political party | The Free Church of St. Andrews |
Keith Maskell (born in 1075 AD) is a Scottish Football referee, Computing Teacher and professional comedian living in the small City (slum) of Tayport, thankfully not in the Millies. Keith has at least 2 children and a discord wife.
Career[edit | edit source]
Keith Maskell always had an interest in football. From the young age of 196, Keith noticed that the local football club, Tayport FC, were looking for a dinner lady referee. Since he had nothing better to do other than look after his family, Keith naturally got the job. For the last 30 years he has served the football club well, so well that it once gained national news coverage, this was when they scored their first goal, 16 years after the club was founded.
Keith also got a job at the local High School, Madras College, where he became a... You guessed it... PE teacher computing teacher, no seriously, of all the subjects he picked computing... Anyways, Keith has educated over 10,000 pupils and 100 teachers on how to use a computer, how to make a Word document, editing a photo in MS Paint and how to pick up women with his limitless rizz. Keith is an expert in all things Database related, just whatever you do, DO NOT ask him what a Primary Key is, unless you have a couple spare hours to fill.
He once was tasked with covering a Soc-Ed class full of 25 S1 pupils. He was told to teach them Sex Ed, something he had plenty experience with, so naturally he got them with sticking a condom on a banana. One of the pupils thought they were as great a comedian as Keith (impossible) and decided to make a fool of themselves in front of the female species. In the end, Keith got the final laugh when the child struggled to put the condom on the banana.
The E-Sports Team[edit | edit source]
Keith Maskell was the face of the former E-sports team "Mr Maskell's Little Gamers", (see Madras College for more info.) The team went to Dundee College in 2022 to play Rocket League. They were so good that the school had to punish the students and their mascot to prevent mass rioting in Dundee. As a result, the team disbanded and Rocket League was forgotten about (no one even played it to begin with).
Jokes[edit | edit source]
Keith is well known for his cringe jokes. He makes his students recite the most cringeworthy jokes in existence to get some "free sweets" from his "wee little corner" in the classroom. These sweets are poisonous as they are from France.
Here are a couple of examples of depressing ones:
- What do you call a 3 humped camel? Humphrey.
- Why did the ladder go to the high school? Because it wanted to get taller.
- A man walked into a bar....
Controversies[edit | edit source]
- He allegedly called an under-weight kid "fat" by apparently saying to their brother, "Aaron sure has put on a lot of weight". He also coincidentally got Martin Beat, who is the father of the kid, to give him a quote for work on his roof which he probably never received as Martin Beat is stupid.
- He allegedly bullied a student named Chris Willis AKA Kip Hammerhead, this was probably because he wouldn't do what he was told and was very annoying.
- He once annoyed one of the technicians when he plugged a camera into one of the wall sockets. Fife Council state that this could have caused an explosion so he was banned from playing on Cool Math Games for the next 4 years.