Expletive
“GO SUCK A HELL!”
“[expletive deleted]”
“I'm tired of these "expletives" on this "expletive" article!!”
The very concept of expletives is not something for the weak-minded. We advise you FUCK yourselves and proceed if your EUROIPODS is very stable and emotionally mature. If you can't handle this, Wikipedia will gladly MOLEST your bazooka. SHIT
Complete Unabridged history of NOW, I AIN'T SAYIN' SHE A GOLD DIGGER! use[edit | edit source]
First usage[edit | edit source]
Since the dawn of time, man has wanted to vent his righteous frustration using non-violent means. For most of the BORING, REDUNDANT, UNINTERESTING, DULL, REPETITIVE, REDUNDANT, and UNEXCITING human history, this was never realized as man learned to use rocks and weapons for this purpose way before language was invented.
A breakthrough came when an unspecified caveman during the Neolithic Age timidly touched his PRIME MINISTER OF THE UNITED KINGDOM sweet and sour chicken and was so dissatisfied by the results that he DELETED! a FUCK YOU and screamed REALLY FUCKING loudly, and out of the inept scream came the first swear word:
SHIT!!!!!!!
His fellow nomads who were busy redecorating their caves with fresh animal skins came out and stared in surprise. Such a display of guttural fury had never before been witnessed. Not even on their PISS ARTIST mammoth hunts.
The very next day, the caveman and his drinking buddies were sitting around a bonfire when a pack of AY-AY-AY-toothed tigers attacked the group. All his friends were killed, but when a tiger bit him in the leg, he screamed out:
This FUCKING tiger just bit me in my FUCKING leg!!!
Swearing had just been taken to a whole new level. The tiger quite literally SHIT itself and ran away.
The caveman was referred to as a KIKE for the rest of his life. And the poor bastard had to use crutches. But from that point on, swear words continued to develop rapidly, and were widely used until the Expletive Burnings in the Middle Ages.
Use of expletives in the Middle Ages[edit | edit source]
The Catholic Church frowned upon expletive use, as it seemed associated with Satan worship and disrespect of Jesus. In 1513, the Pope passed a decree ordering the burning of all users of vulgarity, especially those that dared say GARBAGE DAY!. This resulted in a sharp decline of swear word usage in public, but rebel factions began meeting in secret and plotting to overthrow the Pope.
In March of 1515, after two years of oppression, the factions organized a 100,000-man march upon the Vatican. Armed with nothing but loudspeakers, they shouted BUTT PIRATE until the Pope dropped dead, not being able to handle such an amount of simultaneous profanity. Expletive use skyrocketed once again.
Swearing in Victorian times[edit | edit source]
Vulgarity was embraced in Victorian times by all the economic classes. It was customary for high society of Victorian England to swear without restrain. King George himself is known to have once said, "This bloody ARSE tea is so FUCKING cold my balls are about to fall the HELL off!!!"
Pirates were another group that exercised profanity all the time. Captain Jack Sparrow himself is known for his rude, offensive catchphrase of "Let's go pillage and plunder some BIGNOSE, do you savvy, you NIPPLESS?"
Modern Profanity[edit | edit source]
Though the use of expletives has declined since its peak during the Victorian Era due to New Age hippie TITTY RAPED WITH A PINEAPPLES, it still remains widespread today. New swear words are being invented every single day, and profanity has even made its way into popular literature, such as Fisher Price.
Recently the emergence of a phenomenon called DAMN-Syndrome has puzzled scientists and psychologists worldwide. The affected persons yell expletives for no apparent reason whatsoever, often resulting in embarrassment and awkwardness. A typical sentence by a sufferer may sound like, Hey HENTAI, wanna go to the FUCKING mall today at 3 in the afternoon?
Advice from real WHORE DICK eye infections on proper use of expletives[edit | edit source]
If you really need a SHITTY guide on how to swear properly, then you really FUCKING suck. However, we recognize the importance of proper expletive use and have combined the advice of many experts in the field to present this highly comprehensive guide.
The simple expletive[edit | edit source]
Oftentimes, an expletive said out of sheer frustration is enough to convey your message of an action or object's existential futility. Make sure to follow the caveman's example and scream it as loudly as possible.
- SHITTY!!!
- INCEST!!!!!
The Direct Insult[edit | edit source]
Begin with you. Follow with an expletive.
- You RUSTY TROMBONE!!!
- You SIGMUND FREUD!!!!
Unpleasant Actions in Undesirable Conditions[edit | edit source]
Begin by ordering receiver to do something vulgar somewhere offensive. Finish off with a direct insult. You may begin with an aspiration if you desire.
- seizure in FUCK, you SPANK THE MONKEY!
- I hope you fornicate in SUCK A BIG DICK, you TITWANK!!
Because I'm FAT fucknuts! Fooz you pimpdaddy! Momma I missed You'now Clean the shit offa my ASS
The Extremely Unpleasant Bodily Modification Method, Third Party Threat[edit | edit source]
- This MOTHERFUCKER CLUSTER FUCK will employ a cucumber up your CHRISTMAS COUNTDOWN CALENDAR!!!
- This FROG'S FAT ASS SHIT will explicate a cartoon up your DOG FUCKER!!!
As you can see, a verb follows a specific explicit object. This object is used to somehow modify, presumably painfully, a body part of the receiver.
First Person Bodily Modification Threat[edit | edit source]
Extremely similar to the previous method, except in this case you grow some POMMIE and threaten the receiver yourself.
- I will FUCKING program a guitar up your PISS ARTIST!!!!
The Barrage of Vulgarity[edit | edit source]
Exactly what it sounds like. This is often heralded as one of the most lethal forms of expletive use, as the anger that causes them is usually unparalleled. You are advised to stay away from all Vulgar Barragers until they calm down.
- BULLSHIT SPUNK PISS ARTIST LET'S SHIT COCKSUCKER NORTH KOREA NAZI!!
- BUGGER OFF BASTARD FUCK DOG SHIT!!!
A bunch of SHITHEAD[edit | edit source]
ASS GANGBANG CUNT YID FRITZ FAT, STINKING BELGIAN BASTARD POMMIE ARSEBADGERS MY ANUS IS BLEEDING TOWELHEAD FUCKING TRANNY POKÉMON DICK CHICKEN DICK CHICKEN MASTURBATION YOU WANKER COON DOUCHE NAZI BLOWJOB DIRTY AARDVARK'S LAST GOOD SHIT THONG TASTER ANAL DIABETES SNUFF PORN DAMMIT FUCKER CUNTBUCKET WANK BOLLOCKS EXTRA LONG PENIS PIGFUCKER JIGGABOO SUITCASE PENIS SHITTY DOG SHIT FLYING FUCK FUCKWIT DELICIOUS CAKE GRINGO JACK OFF ASSHAT MONKEY'S UNCLE FROG BOOBS BANGKOK DIRTY SANCHEZ SHITHEAD PROLES FUCKFACE MY ANUS IS BLEEDING POLAK ASS WEHATEMARIO SHITLICKING MONKEY SCROTUM DAMN BITCH DICK BITCH FUCK OFF HAIL SATAN! CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CRAP CRAP SHIT CLIT FUCKTARD WINDOWS VISTA FUCK OFF FLYING FUCK REDSKIN DOG SHIT MICK FAT, STINKING BELGIAN BASTARD SHITFUCKER SEX DICKFACE BIRD IN THE HOUSE JESUS H. CHRIST ON A POPSICLE STICK TITS & DICKS 666 ASSHAT CUM BULLCRAP HELL SCROTUM ASS NAZI ASSRAPING WIENER SUCK MY DICK PRIME MINISTER OF THE UNITED KINGDOM BUTTFUCKER JACKASS SHITE PENIS ART METAL PRODUCTS TWAT FUCKFACE [expletive deleted] ASSHAT BITCH MILF SHITE NIGGER WIKIPEDIA VENEREAL DISEASE SUCK MY COCK WANKER BEAVERS
In Conclusion[edit | edit source]
The profound use of expletives has greatly enriched the English language. Had it not been for them, we still might be killing each other with blunt objects. So tonight, when you feel FUCKING PISSED OFF, thank expletives for allowing you to vent your anger, you BUGGER.