Downsized Dolphin of Disaster
The Downsized Dolphin of Disaster is (or was) an average, run-of-the-mill dolphin at one time. There are contradicting theories that it was possibly cursed, or sentenced to some Aquarium Hell, and another theory claims that it was brought upon the world as a sort of prank by Douglas Adams. Whatever the case, the dolphin is a much smaller mammal than the usual dolphins that are mistaken for sharks by landlubbers. This particular fish-eyed bit of trouble had gotten it into its blowhole that it owned the oceans. Despite its size it did manage to collect the coveted titanium seashell trophy. Attached to a long and annoying piece of seaweed it had gotten entangled in and couldn't swim out of the slimy algae. The trophy was an ancient artifact that did give its owner the right to rule over all the seas and any other place suitable for fish.
One of the first things the tiny dolphin did was swim after a tanker just to race it. It could do that on account of its remarkable super powers. Of course the dolphin made sure that the captain of the massive vessel saw the spectacle of being outpaced by something so miniature. So distraught was the crew that they decided to chase the dolphin while it laughed audibly through its blowhole, resulting in the ship getting stranded in the Red Sea.
The dolphin was all too happy to make such hasty decisions whether it was wise or not. Breaking up with its girlfriend, it went in search of Poseidon to ask for money. Poseidon was broke but did give the dolphin a new Bicycle, a Coffee, and a Humongous Giant Tomato. Yet the dolphin was unhappy with the offerings. Poseidon knew that it wanted fire but giving it to the little finned-blitzkrieg was pointless. The dolphin's response was to unleash an army of miniature locusts, open the deep gates off the coast of Hell's Island, stir up the Bermuda Triangle to a boiling point, and summon the Grim Reaper.
After numerous attempts to reap something, the Reaper gave up looking for any lost souls on the ocean and headed back to its domain. Poseidon shrugged it off and went back to sleep. Narrowing its beady eyes, going into a deep trance of uncharted thought and uncharted waters, the dolphin sulked and looked for other tankers to menace.
The Dolphin Tuna Crab Wars[edit | edit source]
Somewhere in Hawaii on February 29 in 1983, a group of beach bums went fishing. Because of all Hell breaking loose on the shores of the island due to surfers, private yachts trolling for lobsters and the Coast Guard, they ended up catching tuna fish, a few crabs, and taken the dolphin as ransom. The dolphin spoke of a sunken treasure and was let loose to lead the sand hobos to it. The tuna swished back into the water, and the crabs walked directly back into the sea before resuming their usual behavior of taunting other beach goers by walking past them sideways.
When the beach bums realized they were tricked, they climbed back onto their flimsy raft of driftwood and told all the tuna that the dolphin was out to kill them. The dolphin accused the tuna of trying to steal its territory around a coral reef. The crabs were mounting an attack against the tuna for the same reason. Being mocked endlessly by the beach goers about being chicken of the sea, the tuna retaliated against the crabs and the bums on the raft, eventually killing one of them.
The stunned dolphin swam back to its little watery cave and gathered its seaweed-stringed titanium seashell trophy and wrapped it around its tail fin and torpedoed into the mass of tuna. They never expected that to happen. The crabs who had went back to threatening anyone left on the beach heard the ruckus and side-stepped the incoming waves, but they weren't quick enough and got swallowed up by the water. Although they weren't injured, they were disturbed enough to go after the dolphin with their pinchers snapping. The dolphin smacked them around repeatedly. The crabs and the tuna were so angered by such insult to injury that they attacked the dolphin, then turned and fled when regular dolphins came swimming in and ate as many of them as they could.
Then a humpback whale came to claim what was left of the tuna. The remaining crabs escaped to the beach, but unfortunately the surviving beach bums quickly scooped them up and started a fire. With the bicycle that Poseidon gave the dolphin, the little troublemaker rode by the crabs who were now imprisoned in a bamboo contraption and told them that if they wanted to live, sell out the shrimp and save themselves. The nearby shrimp scattered like underwater cockroaches. The dolphin waited until the bums were asleep before putting another plan into motion. This is what would be the start of The Tiny War.
Tricks Are For Fish[edit | edit source]
Generally the dolphin wasn't going to swim around and get bored of the same routine day after day. It resented not being able to hang out on the deck of sailboats and fish with the humans. But it did play around with the fish and at times would befriend the schools of fish. The dolphin knew it could teach the schools of fish a thing or two. So one afternoon when the dolphin had asked politely to come onto the yacht of some weird horror film director and was then met with a scream followed by a barrage of bullets, there would have to be revenge.
The dolphin wasn't going to put up with that. The stupid film director was about to get schooled on what not to do on the ocean. Going to the friendly fish, the annoyed bottlenose gathered all the nearby fish into groups and instructed them to form a silhouette of something very large and head for the yacht. While that was being hatched, a couple of whales were talked into ramming the vessel from the other side. This was carried out and it did cause the yacht some damage and the weird movie man called for Helpbot. The result wasn't satisfactory at all. The helpbot only managed to give standard advice, and general talking points about boats and fish. Mentioning nothing about fish pretending to be whales, and dolphins hellbent on revenge. Although at some point the helpbot made some esoteric statement about a whale being hellbent on revenge.
This did nothing for anyone and it led to the yacht being left sitting there, stuck out in the water as the captain yelled ABANDON SHIP and jumped overboard filming his being mocked by a shark. The whales were laughing but the fish were playing out their trick and freaked out the whales. This lead to a real disaster causing the fish and the whales to collide. Of course, because the fish were collectively bigger than the whales, they chased the whales into a tanker. The tanker ended up sinking and the whales needed therapy. The fish were laughing although many of them resembled a dent in the side of them. Collectively.
Dolphins Love Orcas, Downsized Dolphin Holds Grudge[edit | edit source]
The regular and normal dolphins were active in engaging with the larger inhabitants of the oceans. They loved playing with the whales, no matter what shape they came in. Even the whales that appeared to be blunt creepy looking submarines. The downsized dolphin wasn't going for any of that. It could have been harboring some sort of resentment about the whales but couldn't really complain about them, after all they did help with the stunt against a trigger-happy film director. But all the other dolphins hung around the whales and played games and had coast parties. Coast parties are like beach parties except that they're in the ocean. But there's still barbecue.
It may have been that the downsized dolphin was afraid of the whales possibly crushing it if they were ever laying on the beach, soaking up the rays. If this was the case, the dolphin was obviously being obtuse. Retarded really. It would show that nobody explained to it that if a whale is seen laying on the beach, it would mean it was dead. It was common knowledge, it was a no-brainer. It wasn't much of a secret. Moreover if there would be any whales beached like that, or any such beaching of any sea creature, even down to starfish, it was a good possibility that the dolphin caused it to happen.
It wasn't just a conspiracy theory that the midget of the sea had ulterior motives since it was called a disaster for a reason. The folks at Sea World, the Miami Marina, and the scuba training center run by Blackbeard could all confirm that the dolphin of miniature appearance was an aquatic cur.
But no proof could ever be found that any such instances in the past where whales have died on the beach, could be traced back to the troublesome flipper. The normal dolphins were mostly spotted swimming with whales and playing around in the seas. Something that irritated the small dolphin as it would scope out the beaches looking for whales sunbathing. Whenever it did find a private little spot to get a tan, the fear of whales kept it in the bay. So it took out the beam supports of any nearby pier out of frustration.
One Disaster After Another[edit | edit source]
On one particular midnight, during a full moon, the little dolphin of big trouble got into a deep part of the Black Sea and swished its tail fin rapidly. This woke up terrifying things in the deep. A set of tentacles started to surface on the water. The dolphin saw this and whipped its tail around with its seaweed-attached seashell trophy and whacked the creature upside its head with it. This was very embarrassing for the many-tentacled beast. It felt more than insulted as it was still groggy from being asleep for about a hundred years. The dolphin called on Poseidon and ordered two cups of coffee in order to have a drink and a chat with the underwater monster. Poseidon, of course, brought them a highly caffeinated brew.
The dolphin that seemed so microscopic to the deep dwelling and pissed off creature, was relating that there were humans trying to get to the center of the earth and did have plans of blasting a hole right through the quiet depths where the creature made its home. This wasn't setting well with any entity living in the Black Sea. The dolphin invited the massive underwater terror to watch from a distance when a convoy of tankers were heading across their usual route. It was only advice the dolphin had offered in regards to watching from a safe distance, but the sea-beast became enraged and went after the tankers. Unfortunately, the tankers were also traveling along the same course as a line of battleships armed to the teeth.
The beast thing didn't care and began attacking one of the ships. That would have been the USS Enterprise (NCC-1701-Y) cloaked as a fishing vessel. A very large fishing vessel. There was a fight, and the ship sustained some damage but took the watery monster as prisoner. The monster did have a few friends who witnessed the incident. They saw this and immediately headed back to the depths and searched for any possible entry to the center of the earth, in the hopes to stop the humans from going there. The micro dolphin was giddy and seemed amused. But everyone ignored the dolphin as things were pretty serious.
When the battleships and the tankers tried to carry the large abomination from the sea back to their base, they ended up having to be air-lifted out of the rapidly decreasing body of water. The underwater creatures had managed to open up some kind of a hole that acted as a drain and they were the first to get sucked down into it, heading for the center of the earth. The dolphin had to be air-lifted, as well. It was headed to the Gulf of Mexico on its own request. For some unknown reason, the military complied with it. No questions asked.