Worksop
Worksop is a HUGE little town known for its widespread drug abuse and benefit fraud. Worksop was formerly called Keepworking, but after the fluff miners strike of 576AD, the townspeople voted to become lazy, and so renamed the town Workshouldstop. However, the people had become so accustomed their new lazyness, that the re-naming process was a long drawn out process, and only the letters making up the word Worksop were put on road signs. The signs themselves had to be put in by workers more accustomed to physical movement from Retford, a nearby far superior town, as the Worksopians were having a nap.
Drug-dealing is a major problem in Worksop, with drugs such as Cheer, Tony Blair's left elbow and Instavomit regularly used to give inhabitants a quick fix. On most days the drug dealers out weigh the other people and has enforced a major price reduction in off your tits pills. Worksop's reputed drug baron only known as A Lovely is quick to crush those who oppose him.
It is also famous for the man who stands in town centre everyday thinking he can play the guitar and sing, then he goes to the pub and spends the money on bear the stupid people gave him. Hes not poor at all, he pockets all the pounds and silvers and leaves the coppers in his guitar case. He goes to the pub after and then back to his mansion.
Worksop actually holds the world record for the being the shittiest place on earth.
Born in Worksop were former Engerland manager Graham Turnip, WWE Wrestler turned turn buckle eater George the Animal Steel, Stuart Ludock (him of the Barrymore Pool incident) and golfer/mason, Lee Westwood.
Worksop's New Features[edit | edit source]
Shannon wass is worksops bike
True Crack Heads[edit | edit source]
The reclusive Third Earl Of Worksop lives in a dusty Worksop shed surrounded by ancient racing motorcycles. Assisted by his trusty manservant Brock he runs the world's most successful Classic Suzuki Racing Organisation, but does like to go on about it, in fact we can't shut him up.
The most famous person still living in Worksop is town sheriff, noticeable for his squeeky voice, he is a bald security guard employed by Woolworths, who obviously feels so worried in his line of work, he feels it necessary to wear a bullet-proof vest. He lives in an old dusty shed filled with old guns that do not work due to him looking at them wrong.
New additions to the town have been, then man whom pretends to be homeless that sings and plays the guitar outside Gregs, and the old man with the radio who sings to himself.. Some of his greatest hits include '"Hit me baby one more time" and "Ice Ice Baby".. Not to metion his passionate love of headbanging Heavy Metal. A true versatile inspiration.. It has been rumoured that the pair may be announcing a World Tour, however others claim that this will never happen as they have a deep hatred for one another because the old man took he limelight in the bottom quater of bridge street because of his charming white beard.
Everyone loves raymond
The River Don[edit | edit source]
An obscure underwater University believed to be a remnant of Atlantean academia, this is the only university to grant degrees in Drug Dealing and Public Mooning.
Schools[edit | edit source]
There are two main comprehensive schools in the Worksop area. Valley Comprehensive is easily the best out of the two with a much higher teenage pregnancy rate and more drug dealers per metre, although, Portland Comprehensive is now known to be the official home of the inbreeds. In 2004, both schools opted out of the national curriculum to pursue courses with more relevance to the students, including the management and organisation of daytime TV scheduling and child abuse.
Having turned 16 and not acquired a council flat and/or child, you can earn up to £30 a week by attending North Notts "college" (they were being very optimistic when naming it). Here, youngsters (well, not young in worksop terms, life expectancy is only 30) can resit GCSE'S/ NVQS/ SATS as many times as they like until they get a council flat and/or child.
Worksop College is another option for those of a wealthy background, although scholarships can be granted to those with a high level of twatishness, such as Richard Bacon. Here, kiddies get the chance to buy better drugs, well, coke that isn't all washing powder.
Worksop Post 16 Centre is for those smarter than the average chav and not as stuck up as those in worksop college. The few people who attend get master classes synthesising their own drugs, which they then sell to universites so the poor Worksopian can actually get into a university and start the long road to becoming a civilised person (By Worksop Standards).
Quotes on Worksop[edit | edit source]
“Script for Once Upon A Time in the West wrote itself, all Sergio needed was to read the local paper and attend a few local meetings and he had 90% of the material, my character was based on The Local Planning Officer”
“Omg This is officialy Chavland”
“Ask not what Worksop can do for you, but what you can do for Worksop”