Wheeling Jesuit University/Legal System/Operation Shaft
| Operation Shaft | |
|---|---|
Too secret for pictures! | |
| Conflict: Jesuit Editorial Wars | |
| Date: September 27, 2005 | |
| Place: Wheeling Jesuit University | |
| Outcome: Draw | |
| Combatants | |
| Wheeling Jesuit University | UtarEmpire |
| Commanders | |
| Residence Life | LUEshi |
| Strength | |
| 220,000 troops in 3 Bureaucratic Armies | A lone man against a world of crime... |
| Casualties | |
| 10,000 | Nobody |
The legal campaign of the long and bloody Jesuit Editorial Wars was begun with Operation Shaft, an operation designed to silence UtarEmpire through the use of para-military forces.
The plan for this attack was first prepared after the successful assault led by COSBI against the Cardinal Connection during the controversial editorship of Emo-Hitler. The shadowy Residence Life believed that a quick and decisive blow against the leadership of COSBI would knock them out of the war, and have the Residence Life shocktroops home by Christmas. The plan was modified over time, but never used until UtarEmpire began adding articles to Uncyclopedia, known as "the journal of record" in many places. They decided to act against him to silence the discord.
Early in the morning of September 27, 2005, elite para-military forces from the First Residence Life division Chris Bling arrived at the base of UtarEmpire's secret doom lair. They commenced firing a volley of shots, but their muzzle-loading muskets proved ineffective. They then laid siege to the lair.
At 2:30 PM, the local commander lost his patience. He decided to act quickly and decisively to end the stalemate. He gave his men the following order: "OK guys, this person is really mean. I order you all to hold your breath until your face turns blue, so that he knows how mean he is. That'll teach him."
After the comedic display of the shocktroops, UtarEmpire gave in, and had the pages removed. However, the removal was not permanent, as the articles were later restored by a secret underground militant organisation known as SMERSH II:Electric Boogaloo. This ensured that the campaign would continue, despite the brave sacrifice of the Residence Life shocktroops.