Viewer Discretion is Advised

	Viewer Discretion is Advised.
	Seriously, show some fucking discretion. If I was reading your article, I'd do it so discreetly that no one would ever know that shitty article was yours. Return the favor, asshole.

Viewer Discretion is Advised. As you view this article, I advise that you exercise some discretion.

Some of you might think the phrase "Viewer Discretion is Advised" is confusing. What kind of discretion should you exercise? Why should you exercise that discretion? Where the fuck are my keys? Okay, if they're in my pants, then where are my pants? Do you have my pants? Have you at least seen my pants? They're puce. Puce pants.

This article will clear up all these questions, and more. But keep in mind: a failure to exercise viewer discretion could lead to very serious consequences.

What kind of consequences?

I don't know.

Why are you advising viewer discretion?

Okay, check it out. Some TV shows require discretion to watch. For example, if you watch Prison Break, you're going to see Jodi Lyn O'Keefe in a schoolgirl outfit. And that's hot. I mean, let me show you what I'm talking about.

Yum. Now, after seeing this, it is important not to run out into the street yelling "I JUST SAW JODI LYNN O'KEEFE IN A SCHOOLGIRL OUTFIT!!" That, you see, would not be discreet. You'd be exercising no discretion at all.

And when you watch Prison Break, it's important to exercise viewer discretion. You can tell, because at the very beginning of the show, they show you a picture that says "Viewer Discretion is Advised." I mean, let me show you what I'm talking about.

See?

Okay, so when don't I need to exercise viewer discretion?

If a show doesn't tell you to exercise viewer discretion, then you really don't need to. For example, let's say you're watching Elmo's World. After watching the opening credits, there is absolutely no reason at all not to run out into the street yelling "LA LA LA LA, LA LA LA LA, ELMO'S WORLD!"

Hey viewers! I don't advise discretion! Feel free to whip it out! I love my goldfish!

And if someone tells you to shut up, don't be afraid to whip out your dick and just spray urine in every direction. Not very discreet, you say? That's okay! Elmo's World does not advise viewer discretion.

Keep in mind, however, that while people watch you urinating in three-hundred sixty degrees, like a glorified and somewhat smelly lawn sprinkler, you should tell them that viewer discretion is advised. That's because, if they don't show discretion, they're likely to call the police, or punch you in the face. Or call your girlfriend and tell her you're pissing all over the place whilst singing the theme song to "Elmo's World."

So before you even begin to unzip your pants, you should exclaim, in a deep, booming, kind of foreboding baritone, "Viewer Discretion is Advised!" It's like the grown-up version of "no punchbacks," and critical before doing an X-rated version of the "Elmo's World" theme song.

God, I love that theme song. "Elmo loves his goldfish, his playhouse too.." In fact, let's listen to that shit right now.

PLAY>mp3

Why exactly does Prison Break want me to exercise viewer discretion, but not Elmo's World?

Prison Break is created by Paul T. Scheuring, who is afraid of lawsuits. He's terrified that if anyone announced that they saw Jodi Lynn O'Keefe in a schoolgirl outfit, he'd be sued. And with good reason: Scheuring works in Hollywood, which is full of Jews.

Therefore, he is literally begging you to exercise discretion when you watch his show. Scheuring will give you some cheeseburgers for some discretion. What? You don't want any fucking cheeseburgers? All right, then he'll suck your cock, man.

Conversely, Elmo has absolutely no fear of lawsuits. In fact, if the Sue Me Elmo doll is to be believed, Elmo thinks being sued tickles.

Did you ever find your pants?

No. Viewer discretion is advised.