User:Zombiebaron/Uncyclopedia Reskin Committee/Winter2020/Jan04

On the evening of June 8, 1995, around six hundred genetically modified potatoes escaped from a lab in Idaho. The herd of potatoes raided a nearby McDonald's and took 17 hostages, including 13 customers, 3 employees, and a health inspector. Over the next few hours, a series of events took place in what became infamously known as The Potato Hostage Crisis of 1995.

Shortly after the potatoes entered the building, police were notified of the situation and the SPUD (Specialized Potato Unit Delta) team was dispatched. The SPUD team arrived on scene and began negotiations with the hostage takers, which lasted for six hours. In exchange for the hostages, the hostage takers demanded the release of 2.5 million captive potatoes from across the country. SPUD team negotiators were unwilling to comply at first, and a standoff ensued. The standoff came to an end four hours later, when the potatoes began threatening to kill off hostages. Negotiators decided that the risk to human life was too high, and agreed to the potatoes' demands. The hostages were released at 1:15 AM on June 9th, and the potatoes escaped McDonald's through the sewer system. Despite a 3 week manhunt, the captors were never found. Although their motives were unclear, police have speculated that the potatoes were driven by farmers' widespread harsh and inhumane treatment of innocent potatoes. (Full article...)