User:Zaui/draft2

“What? I didn't eat that owl!”

~ Oscar Wilde on EPA

The EPA's war on business began in 1970, when its formation was authorized by the U.S. Congress after public outcry over the use of spotted owls on a nationally famous cooking show.

Some of its responsibilities were being carried out by the Department of Agriculture at the time, but those were pulled when it was discovered that the Ag Department thought a multi-car accident that cause a truckload of Ammonium Nitrate to spill could be designated an "unintentional fertilization event". That term was originally used by the plaintiffs in the Roe v. Wade case then making its way through the federal court system.

The Mission of the EPA is four-fold:

1. Save the Spotted Owl.
2. Run them 'effin Oregon loggers out of bidness.
3. Survey and identify funds around the country that are super. Robin Hood 'em and use the booty to clean up playgrounds contaminated with heavy metals and asbestos.
4. Regulate the use of pesticides, yes even the stuff you use in your swimming pool and hot tub.