User:XxKnucklesxX/Weasel Stomping

Stomping is always preferable to attempting to wrestle with Weasels.

First, I must add the note that if you want to stomp on your weasel, please wait for the official day, or sign for a Weasel Stomping License. Stomping Weasels without a permit is illegal in ALL countries with the exception of Wales, Canada and France.

“In Soviet Russia, Weasel stomp you!”

~ Russian Reversal on Weasel stomping

“Howdy ho! It's Weasel Stomping Day!”

~ "Weird Al" Yankovic on Weasel Stomping Day

Origins

Weasel Stomping started on 9th October 942. A fat Albanian women stood on her weasel. Later that day, "Old Jenkins" who lives on the corner stood on his weasel. His son, That Guy, stood on his friends' weasel. Soon it had spread like a squealching wildfire, and from that day the 9th October has been known as Weasel Stomping Day, one of the traditional Bank Holidays throughout Europe. In less civilised locations such as America and Canada Weasel Stomping Day is celebrated biannually on the 31st June.

The Ban

Under the rule of William the Conquerer, Weasel Stomping was thought as a fun sport. So he banned it from English Sports. The next to go was Christmas, but thats another story. However, in 1066, That Guy saved Weasel Stomping day by stomping on William's weasel. He later starred in the infamous film 'How That Boy Saved Weasel Stomping Day'. William went into mourning after seeing the graphic weasel skull stomping scene, and killed himself by a Kitten Huffing overdose.

How That Guy saved Weasel Stomping Day

Care should be taken that the rodent you are about to stomp is in fact a weasel and not a giant ferret.

The story started on 8th October 1066, when That Guy stole William the Conquerer's weasel. He put it in a cage and sat in a cold cave. He left a note where it was previously sat. The note read: 'Ha! I have your weasel. Come to the cold cave for him back kthx bai'. When he turned up, That Guy knocked the weasel's cage off and it escaped. That Guy jumped to his feet and glanced at his calender.

After standing on his friend's weasel in 942, he recognized it as Weasel Stomping Day. He slipped on his boots and his Viking Hat and stomped around. William couldn't watch. Then there was a crunch, a squeal and That Guy said 'Hurrah! Your weasel is dead!!'.

An overdose on Kittens killed him. On 10th October 1121 William the Conquerer's biological body huffed so many kittens that he exploded. Scientists later cloned William to make sure history lived on. No-one knows why the clone was named William the Weasel Stomper, but historians of today ignored that fact.

Weasel Stomping Day today

Today, it is celebrated on June 30 to help rid the world of the evil shade that was born on that day. Music for the celebration usully comes straight outta Lynwood, and there is a huge festival in Norfolk, VA where the only activity is to kill helpless weasels and smear their guts on every building in town.

The Licence

To apply for the Weasel Stomping Licence (WSL) you must be over 3, have at least 5 years of practise and have over 1 weasel. This is an example of the WSL form:

Name: ~ <insert name here>

Date of Birth: ~

Weasels Stomped: ~

Number of Weasels: ~

Then you are ready for the WSL and can enjoy many years of legal stomping.

Trivia

• Weasel Stomping is celebrated by spreading mayonnaise over your lawn.

• The mayonnaise also helps to attract weasels within a 1 mile radius.

• Viking Helmets are the traditional aparrel for this festive holiday.

• Guns are forbidden. If you break this rule, you get fed to other weasels.

• It is the favoraite holiday of PETA

• In India a more commonly practiced activity is Mongoose Stomping, which also has an annual holiday.