User:Willy on wheels/Kitten Golfing

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
A completely undoctored picture of Kitten Golfing.


Kitten Golfing is a hugely important cultural aspect of the country of South Chad. Modeled off of its predecessor, Gerbil Tennis, and Kitten Huffing, Kitten Golfing is well known for making anyone who talks about it speak very retardedly.


Invention[edit | edit source]

Kitten Golfing was developed in South Chad by some guy named Albert Frankenstein in the 1700s. He was beating Albert Frankenstein over the head with his golf club when he saw a cute little kitten run by past it. Feeling very vicious, he ran up and swung right at it and over the kittens' head, nailing a huge oak tree which almost huffed the kitten.

The tree and the kitten exploded into a fiery ball and then flew several thousand miles (to be mistaken for a asteroid by witnesses) and somehow landed in a huge hole in the ground, where thousands of people came to see it slowly and painfully die.

Albert Frankenstein, with his psychic sight, saw that the kitten had landed in the hole and decided to make up a completely unrelated game called Kitten Golfing. In this game you would set a kitten on fire, and hit it across a golf course. The kitten and Frankenstein would supposedly make all sorts of weird noises, because it was a fucking burning kitten being punted across a fucking golf course. When he actually tried to hit it across the field, it didn't make any noise, so he ate it for dinner.

Spread[edit | edit source]

The next morning, Frankenstein woke up and decided to test kitten golfing at his local park. However, he lacked a kitten, so he intercepted a truck filled with kittens intended for huffing. He stole a kitten, quickly ran away, and got called racial slurs by the truck driver.

After lighting the kitten on fire and hitting it, the kitten whizzed around like a fucking pinball and blocked out the sun, attracting Europeans to the area. As such, kitten golfing is often cited as a reason for the colonization of Africa.

When Chad eventually gained its independence, the original kitten was dug up. As such, kitten golfing became a major sport, although it has declined in popularity recently due to Kitten Huffing. Modern kitten golfing still uses real kittens, and golfers often get high off of the kitten's ashes. It has also gained popularity in Japan, where it is played alongside Cock and ball torture.