User:Velosi-T/The Idea Bin/goldfish

Invented by a minor scientist in 2009, Iyas Palestinianman, Iyas' First Law of Goldfish explains the theory of evolution applied to cheese-based fishy snack food. Although relatively unknown since conception, Iyas' first, most important, and last discovery is believed to have originated from the time he was 18. It is believed that Iyas got excessively drunk and began to imitate the prophet Muhammed (i.e. running around with a rag on his head and an explosive of some sort on his back). He then came across a traveling Westerner, who handed him a Goldfish. It blew his mind.

The original theory simply stated that "Goldfish are good." However, after several long, grueling years of thinking, drinking, and suicide bombing, the theory was expanded into "Since cats like mice, and mice like cheese, but cats also like fish, then fish is cheese, and therefore GOLDFISH." This latest version of the theory is accepted throughout the world as "indisputable, uncontroversial logic" by everybody who has ever had any logic at all. The theory has had almost no impact on the world at large except to make a few people laugh and say "Hey, that's true".

The First Clause

The first four words of his dramatic proclamation, "since cats like mice", are obviously believed to be a veiled reference to the fact that various feline species are primitively attracted (through hunger, lust, or some other means) towards a specific variety of small rodents. common Rare instances of this natural phenomena have been recorded throughout history, as seen in various cartoon shows from ancient times.

Author's note: Mice are not within the same genus as the species laserus pointerus, which is an entirely different prey of many domesticated feline species.

The Second Clause

The next four words of this life-changing proclamation are "and mice like cheese". Again, we see the blatant logic subtlety of Iyas' language in this decree, as "mice" and "cheese" don't could apply to many things with different meanings. However, the most common theory is that both "mice" and "cheese" are meant to be taken literally. Some dispute has been raised, however, over the exact species, brand, and smell of the cheese, due to the broadness of the word "cheese" and its connotations.

Yet more controversy is raised by the issue of the word "mice". Various psychopaths historians, politicians, and other people who actually give a shit have argued long and hard over the issue of exactly the species of mouse that the theory applies to, or even whether it applies to rodents in general. Many of these people puzzled over this theory on their deathbeds, angering spouses and amusing mothers-in-law across the world.

The Third Clause

The middle part of this theory comes to us from after the second part but before the fourth part, and WAY before the last part. This middle part consists of the words "but cats also like fish". The author of this theory is taking a stupid deep turn in his logic at this point, expounding upon his earlier statement about the relationship between cats and mice by substituting the small, cute furry rodent for the wet, slimy fish.

Then

fish is cheese, and

Therefore