User:Universal Cereal Bus
“I've always loved Big Willie.”
Beefsteaks hate me is a common phrase used by people who think that beefsteaks hate them. This is completely normal as over 1% of the world's population thinks this. This is a condition known as McPhobia. Beefsteaks are known to be quite aggressive towards animals and have been the cause of various criminal offences worldwide.
Beefsteak violence[edit | edit source]
Beefsteak violence is a normal part of life in Kenya, where the beefsteak population is most numerous. Beefsteaks have been known to attack their enemies by eating them alive. They have also smashed windows, robbed banks, hijacked aeroplanes, stolen cars, smuggled pepper sauce and mustard into Bali, and worst of all, dropped chewing gum on streets.
It reached record levels in 2003, with over 250 beefsteak-related deaths in that year alone. The Kenyan government are being blamed for this after they redefined salt and vinegar as Class-C drugs and they became more widespread. The government have since outlawed all hallucinogenic dressings.
Lambchops hate me[edit | edit source]
This is a very unusual condition and is classed as a mental illness. Lambchops harbouring unhappy feelings towards an individual is a very strange occurrence, because it is a well-known fact that lambchops are peaceful and loving creatures who would not feel that way. Feeling like lambchops hate you is a symptom of paranoia and must be treated immediately.
The only ever recorded case of lambchop violence was in 1947 when an unidentified half leg sprayed mint sauce at customers in a bar. He was sentenced to be hanged, drawn and quartered and served with roast potatoes.
The Carnivorous Man-Eating Beefsteak Tribe of Indonesia[edit | edit source]
The Carnivorous Man-Eating Beefsteak Tribe of Indonesia is a tribe of carnivorous beefsteaks that live in Indonesia and eat humans. They were the subject of a nature documentary by David Attenborough in 1996, called David Attenborough's Beefsteak Adventure. Among the things he witnessed were the tribe leader discovering that his son was a hamburger and expelling him from the tribe, a rib eye dying in a forest fire (it sure was tasty, though) and two cameramen being eaten alive by a filet mignon. It was never broadcast as it was deemed too violent to show on national television.