User:Turb0-Sunrise/White Mountains
| The White Mountains | |
| Regional Flag |  Changed in 2005 to reflect the collapse of the Old Man of the Mountain
|
| Official language | Mountainneer, French (from invading Canadiens |
| Motto: | "GET OFF MY FUCKING LAWN, LEAF PEEPAH!" |
| Government: | A moose wearing a top hat |
| Capital | either North Conway or Lincoln, or whoever's backyard has the most ATVs |
| Governor | The top hat moose |
| Religion | Mountain climbing, ATVing, and genocide of leaf peepers |
| Currency | Pinecones, gasoline (for ATVs) |
| Exports | Pinecones, trees, rocks, bears, ATV douchebags |
| Population | 
|
| Local heroes | Joe Dodge, Darby Field, the guy with the ATVs |
| Imports | Leaf peepers, Canadiens |
| National anthem | 4 Minutes of Shotgun Blasts and an ATV Engine |
| Official Cuisine | Moose, bears, leaves, pinecones, leaf peepers |
The White Mountains are a group of rocks in a region of the middle of nowhere known as Northern New Hampshire. They got some ups, they got some downs, they got some in the middle too.
History[edit | edit source]
The White Mountains originally served as a block for Bostonians trying to get to Montreal (and vice versa) Mainahs trying to rob Vermont of all their cheese. (and vice versa, except Vermonters attempting to steal Moxie and potatoes from Maine) The range originally extended much farther south as a barrier between New England and those goddamn Yankees fans. However, erosion wreaked havoc on the southern portions, and the only remaining portions are the Berkshires in Massachusetts and the Green Mountains in Vermont. Eventually, some numbskulls in the federal government decided that it was beautiful[Original Bullshit] and made it into a National Forest.
The Western White Mountains[edit | edit source]
Unless you like a ridiculous amount of skiing, one of the rare instances of a 2-lane Interstate, and people who act like they're better than the entire state of Vermont, this part isn't for you. Mount Moosilauke (read: mooselick) used to have a carriage road up it, but now it only has some urban legend about some insane doctor running off into the woods and chucking a baby off a cliff. To the northwest is the Lost River, an excuse to get fat guys stuck in tiny caves. The ridge of Cannon Mountain and Kinsman Mountain, which forms a wall blocking everybody in the White Mountains from invading North Cheeseland.
The Franconia Range, a hiker's nightmare dream, is home to the only two 5,000 footer outside of the Presidential Range. That's about it for them. Uhh, I guess the Twin and Bond ranges are nice.
The Southern White Mountains[edit | edit source]
A whole shit-ton of lakes, some cool terrain, and the ridiculous Sandwich range, known for ridiculous names everywhere. Just try pronouncing Kancamagus, Passaconaway, Wonalancet, or even Tecumsch. The only thing non-hikers care about here is skiing in Waterville Valley.
Mount Chocorua, or "Hey, it's that mountain from the calender!" is just about the only interesting thing here outside of the lakes and Mounts Whiteface and Passaconaway.
The Northern White Mountains[edit | edit source]
Way up in the Cöös Cooze, where nobody lives except for ATV dudes and New England rednecks, are some mountains and stuff. This becomes the center of attention for the entire country every four years, as DicksDixville, New Hampshire, holds the first, and probably shortest, presidential primary in the country.
Outside of Berlin and Gorham, there's not much except for lumber companies, a whole shit-ton of windy gravel roads and moose, and the occasional ATV engine off in the distance.
The Eastern White Mountains[edit | edit source]
This is what everybody thinks of when you hear White Mountains. The Presidential Range, Crawford and Pinkham notches, and a shit-ton of trees.
Culture[edit | edit source]
Because we're obligated to give you an actual section, here's some bullshit we slapped together with the help of MacGyver and some duct tape.