User:Treehousesafety/List

List of Prayers Answered by God

Prayor	Subject of Prayer	Prayer	Response
Pope Clement VI	The Black Death	Oh Merciful Lord, I beg for your guidance. The pestilence upon the land is unimaginable, your flock is in panic, so many die daily, and so little can be done. I pray for your answer: what are we to do in this terrible hour?	(thinks)-Hmmm... would be a good idea for everyone to take a good hot bath, put on very clean clothes covering themselves from head to toe, and to kill every rat that can be located in every city and town and find any method to otherwise exterminate every flea on every dog, cat, cow, pig....(says)-Gosh, Clement, no worries, you know? Just learn to live with it, and encourage people to keep the tithes coming!
Pope Urban VIII	Galileo Galilei	Oh Father, I beseech thee for guidance. This rat-bastard Galileo is pushing his POV-fucking heliocentric crap again, and I'm at my rope's end! What the hell to do?	Truly, my son, Urban, I say unto thee, threaten his ass with almighty desysoping and/or excommunication and verily he shall back down. Then, keep him under house arrest thenceforth, and fear no more of him. No one will ever doubt the correctness of your actions, because it will be forever obvious to the wise that the Earth is the center of my creation, and that your counsel is myself, omniscient Lord and Creator of the Cosmos.
Pope Clement VIII	Giordano Bruno	Lord and most Blessed God, hear my prayer! This sick shitball, Friar Bruno, has refused to shut up about his pantheistic views of other worlds and other peoples there! He has been warned, yet he refuses to stop posting original research about other stars, and other planets! I want only to bring your flock to you, Lord.... With this heretic about, how am I to save the souls of those he confuses?	Clement, my son, hear my response. No need to post at WP:ANI, just go ahead and burn his raw ass at the stake, and see how many people he preaches to then! It is only just that this be his fate, for my lips utter only the truth, and I say unto you that his lies are clearly untrue, and no one will ever find the smallest reason to even imagine such a strange Universe as does he.
Pope Leo X	St. Peter's Basilica	Oh Lord, just look at this dump. The highest Alter of Worship in the land, and it's totally second-damn rate! That smug bastard Giulio de'Medici thinks he's going to be Pope someday, and he can't keep that self-satisfied smirk off his face whenever he brags about his upcoming centenial celebration of the oh-so-glorious cathedral in Florence. Fuck him! We simply must do some damn remodeling around here, but how am I going to pay for it? Stone masons can't give their time for free! I beseech thee, Lord, for thy divine guidance.	Cool thy jets, Leo, when it comes to de'Medici. I like the cut of his Jib, and I have my eye on him. That notwithstanding, it's true that St. Peter's does kind of suck, and we do need to un-shabbify the place. I like this Johann Tetzl's approach in the indulgences market. I hereby grant you the power to sell indulgences by franchising guys like Tetzl to sell village-to-village. I will grant amnesty to loved-ones in the higher circles of hell or purgatory in exchange for money paid to the church. Does that work for you? Seems good to me, anyway.
Martin Luther	Indulgences	Oh Lord, how can these heretics become convinced that your eternal and infinitely righteous judgement can be reversed by the mere transaction of a bit of earthly coinage? It cannot be true, Father, that you would change the status of a punished soul in the afterlife out of consideration of an "Indulgence" vulgarly sold in the marketplace for a profit? What action should I take, Lord? Surely I cannot sit by and watch this scandal? Guide me, oh Lord, and I promise to do thy will.	Ah yes, Martin, my son. You are right to be suspicious of these indulgence-sellers. My wisdom is infinite! My judgement is final! Souls in purgatory are there for a reason, and no earthly funds-transfer can alter the eternal consequence of sin! Write your concerns down, and nail them to the door of the Cathedral! The people need to know that I am not for sale! Don't worry that you might split the whole church in half, either. I'll smooth shit over later.
Mary Tudor	Oxford Martyrs	Divine Shepherd, I am your servant. My Father, have mercy on his misguided soul, was a heretic who endangered the eternal salvation of millions of Englishmen. I will do thy will to restore the English people into your fold, Lord, if you will but make it clear to me. These blaspheming bishops, Lord, I ask you what am I to do with them?	Oh hi Mary, and thanks for stopping by. Yes, I've got your dad down in hell, roasting nicely, but you are sweet to mention him. And you're so spot-on, I gotta say, about this Anglican Church crap. Wasn't MY idea, so restoring the true faith is a righteous plan, and nothing does it like a good bonfire, preferably out in public with some important former church officials thrown on. To burn Ridley, Latimer, and even Cranmer will make a real impression on the village-folk, so go to it with my blessing. Splitters and free-thinkers deserve no less.