User:Tioletpaperman/Toilet Paper Proclamation

The Toilet Paper Proclamation was a speech given by former Vampire hunter Abraham Lincoln on January 1, 1863 right after he gave the Emancipation Proclamation.

"Shawty, on my mama Mullet oriented toilet paper not good fr." - excerpt from The Toilet Paper Proclamation by Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter

Public Reception

Northern Reception

The Northern United States supported the decision, as they were proud beard supporters. The decision increased Lincoln's public image and popularity immensely.

Southern Reception

The Southern United States was adamantly against the decision, and plots to assassinate the president began arising.

Robert E. Lee surrendering to Ulysses S. Grant with the terms written on a roll of toilet paper

Effects in the American Civil War

The Confederate States of America was severely weakened by the banning of the mullet orientation. Having to switch to the beard orientation was a massive change that threw off the entire Confederate Army. The Toilet Paper Proclamation is directly linked to the surrender of Robert E. Lee in 1865. The Terms of Surrender were written on a roll of toilet paper to commemorate the Proclamation. The Surrender marked the end of the Civil War and the end of the third bloodiest toilet paper related conflict.