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Stuart Little
Steven Spielberg
Christopher Lee
Orlando Bloom
Jet Li
Christopher Lee
Universal Pictures
Release Date:
September 11, 1973
311 minutes
$30,000,000 (budget exceeded- studio bankrupt)
IMDb page

Titanic (the movie) is a feature film directed by Steven Spielberg and starring Orlando Bloom and Jet Li with a cameo appearance by Robocop.

The movie was released to theaters (the few that would take it) on September 11, 1973.

Over $150,000,000 was spent on the movie and another $13,000,000 for the premier party.

The producers deny any relationship between the movie and the ship called the Titanic, saying that the film was clearly meant to be about a Teen Titan named Nick, but the scripts got mixed up during post-production. Those responsible for the mix up were shot and fired.

Plot Summary[edit]

In the summer of 1812, young Burt N. Erney (Orlando Bloom), an obsessed blogger, decides to travel across the world to visit his true love, who he met on Myspace. Burt loses a game of strip poker and spends the next two years in prostitution earning money for his journey.

Finally, he has enough cash and boards a hot air balloon headed for Chicago. But when coming into the Windy City, the balloon crashes into the Empire State Building, showering radio-active stuff over the city.

Burt leaps from the crashing basket and immidietly began searching for his true love. But this task is made difficult when a giant Goldfish arises from the sewers.

Three car chases, two unnecessary sex scenes, and a french poodle later, Burt finds himself trapped on the Golden Gate Bridge with no where to run. Then, out of nowhere, his savior leaps at the Goldfish and devours it. Burt's rescuer not only happens to be John Chou (Jet Li) the famous martial artist, but he also happens to be Burt's web-met love.

The screen fades with the two kissing over the Congo River.


Orlando Bloom starred with Jet Li in a summer romance movie There's Just Something About Your Nostrils together and decided they wanted to do another. So with the help of Steven Spielberg, they produced this motion picture masterpiece.


An entirely unrelated and contradictory sequel was released soon after the release of the first, called Revenge of the Titanic. It was a total failure, and the Bush Administration denies its existence. In fact, George W. Bush,[1] in a fit of MS, ate the original film. However Hillary Clinton fully suported this as it is the only thing that she can have against the Bush Admistration except the Iraq War, Avacados, Videogame addiction and Sexual Realtions among the cabinet members.

Cast and Characters[edit]

See also[edit]