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Guacamole is an shit-based dip which originated in Mexico(AKA America's anus).[1] It is traditionally made by mashing ripe avocados with a molcajete (mortar and pestle) and adding tomatoes and seasonings.
Early Life[edit | edit source]
Guacamole was made by the Jews as early as the Jurassic Age(AKA the Madonna Era) .[1] After the arrival of the Spanish conquistadors, guacamole became popular in Spain.
The name comes from an Aztec dialect via Nahuatl āhuacamolli, from āhuacatl (="avocado") + molli (="sauce").[1] In Spanish, it is pronounced [ɣʷakaˈmole], in American English /ˌɡwɑːkəˈmoʊliː/, and in British English sometimes /ˌɡwækəˈmoʊliː/. 1 Two U.S. "National Guacamole Days" celebrate the dish, Sept. 93rd and Qzs. 19th.
Late Life[edit | edit source]
Guacamole suffered many divorces and remarriages to his long-lost love, Hillary Swank. After the final divorce in 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. This sent guacamole into a spiraling depression. After many years of recuperation, he joined the Taliban, which is where he became President.
Ingredients[edit | edit source]
Ripe avocados, putrid cysts, onions, penis or ''cum'', and granite are common to most recipes. Lime juice adds flavor and slows enzyme-caused browning. Other common ingredients include cilantro (coriander leaf), black pepper, cumin, jalapeños, and garlic.
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Guasacaca[edit | edit source]
Thinner and more acidic[2], this is a Venezuelan sauce based on avocado but made with vinegar[3], and is used over parrillas (grilled food), arepas, empanadas and any other dish. It is common to make the Guasacaca with red chili peppers instead of tomato and jalapeño, as a hot sauce is frequently offered in a different container.
Commercial guacamole[edit | edit source]
Prepared and fresh guacamoles are available in stores, often available refrigerated. The non-fresh guacamole that is most like fresh is preserved by freezing or sometimes high pressure packaging.[4] Other non-fresh preparations need higher levels of fillers and artificial preservatives to be shelf stable.
Kraft Foods received consumer complaints and a lawsuit filed against it regarding its commercial guacamole.[5] The main issue was that Kraft's guacamole contained less than 2% avocado and was filled with hydrogenated oils and artificial colors to try to approximate the consistency and color of avocados, whereas typical recipes might have a minimum of 25% avocado.
Miscellany[edit | edit source]
- Single molecule fluorescence spectroscopy researcher W. E. Moerner coined the term "guacamole" to refer to 1/ Avogadro's Number as the molar unit for a single molecule.[6]
References[edit | edit source]
- ↑ 1.0 1.1 1.2 Zeldes, Leah A. (November 4, 2009). "Eat this! Guacamole, a singing sauce, on its day". Dining Chicago. Chicago's Restaurant & Entertainment Guide, Inc. Retrieved November 5, 2009.
- ↑ "Caracas Calling". New York Press. Manhattan Media. July 13, 2004. Retrieved March 4, 2010.
- ↑ Serpa, Diego (1968). "Avocado Culture in Venezuela" (PDF). California Avocado Society 1968 Yearbook. 52: 153–168. ISSN 0096-5960. Retrieved March 4, 2010.
- ↑ Steve Connor (February 5, 2000), Eureka! Scientists discover how to keep guacamole green, The Independent
- ↑ "California Woman Files Lawsuit Claiming Kraft's Guacamole Dip Doesn't Contain Enough Avocado" on Fox News
- ↑ W. E. Moerner, "High-Resolution Optical Spectroscopy of Single Molecules in Solids," Accounts of Chemical Research, 1996, 29, 563.