User:Thatdamnedfollowspot/Tech Week/Someone spilt some coffee on the controls
JOHNSON!!! Why the hell isn't that huge weapon thing firing? We've got a war to win, and I'm not going to sit around and be blown to bits, dammit!
...what do you mean someone's spilt coffee on the controls? How much? Some? How much is some? Get the new guy to clean up the mess! He already did? He obviously didn't do a good job if I can still see it! Don't give me lip, Jones! I don't care if I got your name wrong, Smith! I'm not good with names. Or faces. But that doesn't matter- what matters is that the damn controls are all sticky and no one's doing anything about it.
Sir, calm down. It's not that big a deal[edit | edit source]
OF COURSE IT'S A BIG DEAL! If we all die because of Adams' ignorance, I'm going to be very mad at all of you. Now I want that missle fired, and I want it fired now!
The controls are still jammed? Have you tried cleaning the controls instead of mopping up the floor? Honestly, you'd think that the controls to 15 armed and ready nuclear missiles would be more important than the floor. I don't care if the floor was sticky, you could clean them later. Now what are you doing?
Cleaning the windows?!? Why on earth would you do that? Because there's a bit of coffee on them? Do you not see the smoke coming from the controls now? Are you truly that dense? Now I see why Hitler killed himself... it was because his staff was composed entirely of morons! The controls are on fire now. No, no, don't try to help. Just stand there and clean those windows. And make sure they stay closed so that the smoke can't get out and we all die from carbon monoxide poisoning. Let me grab the fire extinguisher so that we don't die a fiery death.
Now that the fire's taken care of, the controls are completely fried. Your incompetence has annoyed me for the last time. I want you off this base.
Sir, is that really necessary?[edit | edit source]
You bet your ass it is. Now get out of my sight while I fix this mess with the controls. Oh, and as for the rest of you, if I ever see another drop of coffee on this base ever again, I will make sweet love to it and force you to drink it. Effective immediately.
Now, let's get those missiles fired, yes?
...
The system cannot find the file specified.
What the heck? What do you mean "missiles not found?" I'll just enter the command again.
C:\>run missiles
The system cannot find the file specified.
Andrews! Are those missiles loaded up into the silos? Then what's going on with this? It's the coffee spill? That's bullshit, I had to personally clean everything up in there. What do you mean there's "bits of coffee in the machinery?" No, I'm not going to fix it myself! Just fix this!