User:Spang/Olipro

See also: User:Savethemooses/OliproPLUS

Savethemooses is now known as OliproPLUS
<OliproPLUS> that's right, OliproPLUS!
<Olipro-> oh you fuckbucket
<OliproPLUS> All of the Olipro, none of the weirdness, ten times the price!
Witt is now known as OliproSELECT
<OliproSELECT> Only the finest Olipro available
<Olipro-> and backwards compatible;
<zombieninja666> =+
Olipro- rapes OliproPLUS
<zombieninja666> brb
<OliproSELECT> My competitor has NO protection
<OliproPLUS> OliproPLUS: Now with RapeShield!
PrincessCaitlai bys the Olipro plus..
<PrincessCaitlai> buys*
<OliproSELECT> D:
<Olipro-> HAHA, gutted
<OliproPLUS> Thanks, that'll be 400 Qquid!
<OliproSELECT> Sell-out
<OliproPLUS> (per month)
<zombieninja101> wth
<Olipro-> OliproSELECT: that's what you get for being inferior
PrincessCaitlai emptys wolf's wallet and pays..
<OliproPLUS> by Qquid I mean quid. One Q.
zombieninja101 is now known as Olipro--
<OliproSELECT> I am a division of Time-Warner....
<Olipro--> double negative.
<Olipro-> not like QQueer
<OliproSELECT> Oh yah
<Olipro-> wow
<OliproPLUS> Thanks customer! Soon you'll enjoy everything you've ever gotten from Olipro, except this time not for free!
<Kalir> I see we're playing the tompkins game again, only with Olipro.
<Olipro-> I'm being made an institution in my own right
<Olipro-> I love it
Kalir is now known as OliproToTheMAX
<Olipro--> does anyone have a lowercase L in their name?
<OliproPLUS> Hey there, Kalir, do you love Olipro?
<OliproToTheMAX> TO THE EXTREME!
Olipro-- is now known as KaIir
<KaIir> name thievery
<OliproPLUS> You'll LOVE OliproPLUS just as much, but you'll get to spend money on it!
<OliproToTheMAX> Dude, not cool.
<KaIir> Anyone using a font that can't tell the difference?
<OliproSELECT> Although OliproSELECT is much cheaper and more user friendly!
<OliproPLUS> OliproSELECT employs well-known pedophiles!
<OliproToTheMAX> Like this one time, I ate these Cheetos, and then I made out with this chick, and her tongue got orange, then we all started calling her Skippy.
<OliproPLUS> Only OliproPLUS does full background checks on all employees!
<KaIir> Hey, wtf?
<Olipro-> ...
<OliproToTheMAX> Skippy-Dippy! Yeah, you see what I'm saying?
<OliproSELECT> OliproPLUS sells expired products
<Olipro-> OliproSELECT is UNENDORSED
<OliproSELECT> OliproSELECT has the freshest supplies around
<Olipro-> only OliproPLUS is approved
OliproPLUS OliproSELECT may have ties to al-Qaeda!
<OliproToTheMAX> OliproToTheMAX is totally extreme, dude!
<Olipro-> it has genuine Olipro certification
<OliproSELECT> (shuttup achmed)
<OliproPLUS> do you really want to take that risk?
<Olipro-> plus, OliproSELECT is probably homosexual
OliproSELECT is certified with the FDA, unlike OliproPLUS
<Olipro-> and likely to have AIDS as a result
OliproToTheMAX is now known as tompkins
<OliproPLUS> If you want the very best in licensed Olipro, it's gotta be OliproPLUS!
KaIir Kalir
<OliproPLUS> Only 600 quid!
tompkins KaIir
<KaIir> I can't tell the difference with this font.
<Olipro-> you doubled the price after 1 sale?
<tompkins> I can, but only by a bit. Italics makes it tougher.
<OliproSELECT> It's a capital "I" I think
<Olipro-> anyway
<KaIir> Yes, that's how the name steal is done.
<Olipro-> I'm going to sleep
<Olipro-> toodlepip
tompkins is now known as Kalir
<OliproPLUS> OliproPLUS never sleeps!
<Olipro-> *toodle pip
<KaIir> gtfo my name!
<PrincessCaitlai> bye Olipro_
<Kalir> NEVAR!
OliproSELECT is eternety
<Olipro-> be seeing you
OliproPLUS spells correctly!
Olipro- has quit [Read error: 104 (Connection reset by peer)]
<Kalir> There can only be ONE!
<KaIir> ME!
Kalir Highlanders KaIir
OliproSELECT duels OliproPLUS to the DEATH
KaIir is now known as OIiproPLUS
<OIiproPLUS> oohh, 1337 h4x
OliproPLUS goes down smooth
<Kalir> Wow, so many Olipro options. I wonder which Olipro is right for me?
<OIiproPLUS> me
OliproSELECT !!!!!!!!!!!!
<OliproPLUS> If you want quantaty, you'll want OliproPLUS!
<Kalir> Ha ha, I got you all to beg for attention.
OIiproPLUS > OliproPLUS
<OIiproPLUS> wtf?
<OIiproPLUS> hey, gtfo my name!
<OliproSELECT> If you want quality, you'll want OliproSELECT!
<OIiproPLUS> you gtfo mah name.
<OliproPLUS> By quantaty, I of course mean quality plus quantity!
<OIiproPLUS> no u
<Kalir> And if I want to zerg rush my foes with Gucci zerglings?
<OIiproPLUS> wtf am I doing?
<OliproPLUS> OliproPLUS had an ad during the Super Bowl last night!
<OliproSELECT> Hah, too slow, and you mizpelledt "quantaty"
<Kalir> I AM INTARWEBZ GOD TODAY.
<OliproSELECT> phear
<OliproPLUS> Unlike OliproSELECT, OliproPLUS is not a total douche!
<OliproPLUS> Buy today!
<OIiproPLUS> yeah!
<OIiproPLUS> lolhi
<OliproPLUS> Hey there Mac! Have you been craving some Olipro?
<OliproSELECT> Hah, what have you and your lies.
<OIiproPLUS> I'm the real OliproPLUS!
<OliproPLUS> Try OliproPLUS!
<OliproSELECT> I'm the better buy!
<OliproPLUS> Don't go for those imitators!
McDestroyertron is now known as McOlipro
<OliproSELECT> The original!
<OIiproPLUS> Is ME!
<OliproPLUS> For only 800 quid you can get OliproPLUS... with an "L" so you know it's real!
<Kalir> Nuts to this, I'm buying an independent brand.
<OIiproPLUS> I'm the L
<OliproSELECT> Founded in the early 18th century, unlike the cheapskate imitators
<Kalir> I'm buying from Morlark Signature.
<OIiproPLUS> Founded at the begining of time.
<OIiproPLUS> OIiproPLUS!
<OliproSELECT> You mean lost in transit
<OliproPLUS> OliproPLUS has been around since before time
<OliproPLUS> If it predates time, you know it's good!
<OIiproPLUS> Yeah, that's it!
OliproSELECT has been awarded two thumbs up by Ebert and Roeper
OIiproPLUS > OliproSELECT
OliproPLUS has been endorsed by every living Nobel prizewinner, plus a few dead ones
<OliproSELECT> OIiproPLUS
<OliproPLUS> > OIiproPLUS
<OIiproPLUS> What I said!
McOlipro has received the Congressional Medal of Cool
<OIiproPLUS> ./\ lies!
<OliproSELECT> False truths!
OIiproPLUS > OliproSELECT
<OliproPLUS> McOlipro is filled with trans fats!
<Kalir> Advertising killed the Olipro!
<LordKaT> what the fuck.
<OliproPLUS> > You
<Kalir> LordKaT: Trst me, do not get involved.
<OliproSELECT> Bye today. Just 3 easy payments of $199.95
<LordKaT> I leave for 10 minutes to take a shit and it looks like you guys took one big shit in the *middle of the channel.
- OIiproPLUS > OliproPLUS
<OliproSELECT> OliproSELECT
<McOlipro> wonk
<OIiproPLUS> <3 LordKat
- OliproPLUS has great payment plans!
<OIiproPLUS> Where's the <3 LordKat?
<LordKaT> it's already in your ass.
OliproSELECT has no interest for 3 years or until 2009!!!
<OliproPLUS> 800 quid over three months
<Kalir> Ha ha, ass container humor!
<OliproPLUS> or 600 quid every month for a year!
OIiproPLUS has no interest ever and on;y costs $100!
OliproPLUS costs more so you know it's good!
<OliproSELECT> Thats because you're workers are all hired illegal immigrants. Commie!
<OliproPLUS> You'll make money off this investment within three business days!
OIiproPLUS is cheap so you have nothing to lose!
OliproSELECT uses only safe all-natural soybeans
<McOlipro> Bye whores
<OliproPLUS> Use OliproPLUS to accurately predict the future and win the lottery
McOlipro is now known as McDestroyertron
OIiproPLUS was made in a sweatshop, so it's cheap!
OliproSELECT > OliproPLUS
<OIiproPLUS> And what he said!
OliproPLUS was handcrafted by skilled artisans!
- - Kalir [n=Kalir@71-38-245-12.slkc.qwest.net] has quit ["SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY!"]
<OliproSELECT> Accepts credit cards and travelers checks
<OIiproPLUS> yeah, so was OIiproPLUS
<LordKaT> yes but wht the hell does the Olipro+/Select do?
<OliproSELECT> LISE!
<OliproSELECT> So much more!
<OIiproPLUS> it does nothing, but OIiproPLUS does everthing!
<OliproPLUS> Glad you asked.
<OliproSELECT> It does not, the man is a skilled con artist
<OliproPLUS> OliproPLUS is the panacea for every disease!
<OIiproPLUS> Best convo ever!
<OliproPLUS> Including rickets!
<OIiproPLUS> <Omni> I join
<OIiproPLUS> <Omni> and then you do
<OIiproPLUS> <zombieninja666> I'm following you.
<OIiproPLUS> <Omni> I swear, you are
<OIiproPLUS> <Omni> WHO THE FUCK ARE YOOU
<OIiproPLUS> <zombieninja666> I am ************
<OIiproPLUS> <Omni> BEATRIX KIDDO?
<OIiproPLUS> <zombieninja666> ?
<OIiproPLUS> <Omni> ...KilL Bill?
<OIiproPLUS> <zombieninja666> Good movie.
<OIiproPLUS> <Omni> Don't fucking tell me, you haven't ...oh
<OIiproPLUS> <zombieninja666> They're having a nice game of steal the name at #uncyclopedia
<OIiproPLUS> <Omni> lol
<OIiproPLUS> <Omni> sex
<OliproPLUS> ok.
<OIiproPLUS> Then guess what I said!
<OIiproPLUS> Then guess what I said!
<OliproPLUS> Poop.
<OliproSELECT> Lol palindrome
<OIiproPLUS> after he said "sex" I said...
OliproPLUS has palindromes at low low prices!
<OliproPLUS> Madam, I'm Adam!
<OliproSELECT> Anagrams! 2 for 1 special!
<OliproPLUS> ONLY 12 QUID PER PALINDROME!
OIiproPLUS is now free for the next 28 seconds!
OliproSELECT has phone lines *OPEN*
OliproPLUS is never free, so you know it's good!
<LordKaT> I need my sword.
OliproPLUS doesn't use phones because it knows you want it already and is sending it to you right now!
<OIiproPLUS> All 279 people that ran in and took one agree, OIiproPLUS is teh pwnage.
OliproSELECT speedily delivers LordKat his sword, because its the fastest choice out there
<OIiproPLUS> And at only $350
OliproPLUS never uses 1337speak, so you know it's over the age of 12
<OIiproPLUS> :(
<OIiproPLUS> typo?
<OliproSELECT> My competitor is a childish look-alike
<LordKaT> ah
<OliproSELECT> Make the real choice people
<LordKaT> thank you, OliproSELECT
OliproPLUS can offer you a flaming sword of Avignon for free if you sign up today!
<OliproSELECT> Another satisfied customer
LordKaT takes the sword and processed to stab OliproPLUS and OliproSELECT in the kernel.
OIiproPLUS too
OliproPLUS is kernel-free, so you know it's good!
OIiproPLUS too
OliproSELECT has upgraded it's kernals to be 5 times as effecient than a non-kernal operatus
<OliproPLUS> Now that OliproSELECT is dead, why not go with the choice that ISN'T dead
<OliproPLUS> That's us!
OIiproPLUS too
OIiproPLUS too?
<OliproPLUS> Being alive is the business paradigm for the 21st century. Get ahead of the curve with OliproPLUS!
OliproSELECT is still alive and thriving
<OliproSELECT> A caring sompany, working products, the way it should be
<OliproSELECT> OliproSELECT
OIiproPLUS blows OliproSELECT to tiny pieces.
<OliproPLUS> Did you know that OliproSELECT is part of a massive Haitian child-trafficking ring?
<OIiproPLUS> I did.
<OliproSELECT> Its the *right* choice
<OliproSELECT> And not a slanderous company but a goodhearted one
<OliproPLUS> Did you know that denial is a sign of guilt?
<OliproPLUS> OliproPLUS never denies!
<OliproSELECT> Ohohoho, someone is getting defensive...
<OIiproPLUS> Aren't you dead?
<OIiproPLUS> OIiproPLUS blows OliproSELECT to tiny pieces.
<OliproSELECT> Correct, my competitor admits...
<OliproSELECT> OIiproPLUS blows
<OliproPLUS> OliproPLUS adopts orphans and gives them warm beds to sleep in, unlike some of our orphan-hating competitors
<OIiproPLUS> die already!
LordKaT dies
<OliproSELECT> OliproPLUS adopts orphans, and then commands them to die
<OliproSELECT> We here at OliproSELECT, give the orphans a loving home
<OliproSELECT> and don't wish there immediate deaths
<Squiggle> What the crap did I miss?
<OliproSELECT> unlike some other companies out there today
<OliproPLUS> Are you dead? Are you a feline? And are you a lord of some kind? Then you'll LOVE OliproPLUS
<OliproPLUS> Hey there, Squiggle! You know which Olipro really connects with the youth of today?
<OliproSELECT> Are you an incoherent string of letters? Then you'll go bonkers for OliproSELECT!
<OliproPLUS> OliproPLUS!
Squiggle hides.
<OliproPLUS> OliproPLUS doesn't use lame words like "bonkers"
<OliproSELECT> It's the biggest thing out today
OliproPLUS is fresh, cool, and daaaaamn!
<OliproSELECT> And won't try awkwardly fitting in a market it can't grasp, unlike OliproPLUS
OliproPLUS can grasp more markets than ever before!
<OliproSELECT> Like young childrens right?
<Squiggle> What have you two done with the real Olipro?
<OIiproPLUS> And there's TWO of OliproPLUS!
<OliproSELECT> OliproPLUS is a pedophilic supporters company
<Squiggle> What kind of ransom do you want?
<OliproPLUS> Don't fall for that pirated version of OliproPLUS
Squiggle hands over a nickel.
<OliproSELECT> 3 easy payments of $19.95
<OliproPLUS> And don't underpay for OliproSELECT
<OIiproPLUS> I'm not the pirated copy, you are!
<OliproSELECT> The only way
<OliproPLUS> Only OliproPLUS offers you the finest in Olipro for more cash!
<OIiproPLUS> 1 easy payment of 2 cents!
<OliproPLUS> It's a priceless status symbol
Squiggle attempts to kill the Olipros, hoping to find Original Olipro.
<OliproPLUS> A major university study shows that people who buy OliproPLUS are ten times less likely to develop osteoporosis than customers of the Leading Brand
<OIiproPLUS> I'm the origana... *dead*
<OliproPLUS> (HINT: The leading brand ain't really leading)
<OliproSELECT> OliproSELECT is a long lasting brand, not a drop-dead after 2 months brand
<OIiproPLUS> You killed, me...
<OliproSELECT> Sturdy, reliable, long-lasting...
<OliproPLUS> OliproPLUS predates time and shows no wear and tear!
Spang has joined #uncyclopedia
[03:49] <OliproPLUS> Hey there!
[03:49] <Spang> I back
[03:49] <OliproPLUS> Do you need more Olipro more of the time?
[03:49] <Squiggle> Olipro is being very silly.
[03:49] <OIiproPLUS> We win!
[03:49] <OliproPLUS> Try OliproPLIS!
[03:49] <OliproPLUS> I mean
[03:49] <OliproPLUS> OliproPLUS!
[03:49] <OIiproPLUS> never seen that one.
[03:49] <OliproSELECT> OliproSELECT
[03:49] <OliproSELECT> Its the *right* choice
[03:50] <Spang> You know, just today, I was thinking: "I wish my Olipro just had more *colour*, you know?"
[03:50] <OliproPLUS> OliproSELECT is the right choice... if you love dying
[03:50] <OliproPLUS> OliproPLUS has the MOST colour to offer!
[03:50] <OliproSELECT> And not a slanderous company but a goodhearted one
[03:50] <OIiproPLUS> D:
[03:50] <Squiggle> I cannae kill them.
[03:50] <OliproPLUS> Do you need to kill OliproPLUS?
[03:50] <OliproPLUS> Try OliproPLUS!
[03:51] <OliproPLUS> The best at killing OliproPLUS
[03:51] <OliproSELECT> Dethpicible
[03:51] <OliproPLUS> Also kills OliproSELECT with equal ease!
[03:51] <OIiproPLUS> SELECT has commited lots of slander!
[03:51] <OliproSELECT> OliproPLUS is a pedophilic supporters company
[03:51] <OliproSELECT> Its the *right* choice
[03:51] <Spang> Hmmm... How do I know if OliproPLUS or OliproSELECT is right for me?
[03:52] <OIiproPLUS> SELECT IS a pedophile
[03:52] <OliproPLUS> It's easy!
[03:52] <OliproSELECT> Try a free sample today!
[03:52] <OliproPLUS> Which one doesn't make you die of ebola?
[03:52] <OliproSELECT> No sign-up nessecary!
[03:52] <Squiggle> What does it take to kill you two?
[03:52] <OliproPLUS> Hahah! That would be OliproPLUS of course!
[03:52] <OIiproPLUS> 284 people all said we win!
[03:52] <Squiggle> Besides each other.
[03:52] <OliproSELECT> Not a transmitter of AIDS either
[03:52] <OliproPLUS> No commitment, sign up today!
[03:52] <OliproSELECT> Our stocks are rock solid, like our investors trust
[03:53] <OliproPLUS> OliproPLUS has you sign up, so you know you can trust them
[03:53] <OliproSELECT> trust them to sell your name to telemarketers!
[03:53] * Squiggle tries a righteous guitar solo to kill them.
[03:53] <OliproPLUS> Only the very best telemarketers!
[03:53] <OliproSELECT> We here at OliproSELECT condones such actions
[03:54] <OliproSELECT> and encourages better ones.
[03:54] <OIiproPLUS> I have to go, bye.
[03:54] <Spang> Bye, OliproPLUS
[03:54] <OliproPLUS> Spang: If you want colour, humour, and an Olipro that will make the neighbors say "Cool! Fresh! DAAAAAAMN!" Then you have to go with OliproPLUS!
[03:54] <OIiproPLUS> OIiproPLUS, actually.
[03:55] <OliproPLUS> That one that said bye is with the letter "i" instead of L
[03:55] <OliproPLUS> it's a cheap imitator
[03:55] <OliproPLUS> kinda like OliproSELECT!
[03:55] <OliproSELECT> OliproSELECT has been around since the 1900s, and is in no rush to leave the market for a quic buck. Our competing Oliproducts are shoddy and rushed
[03:55] <OIiproPLUS> I'm the VP of your company you fool!
[03:55] * OIiproPLUS is now known as zombieninja
[03:56] <OliproPLUS> OliproPLUS uses only the finest resources from the Amazon to craft its Olipros
[03:56] * zombieninja (n=game-mas@74.12.124.235) Quit
[03:56] <OliproSELECT> Such as Malaria, and diabetes
[03:56] <OliproPLUS> OliproSELECT likes to select all right.... it selects LOW POOR QUALITY!
[03:57] <OliproSELECT> OliproSELECT likes to select all right.... it selects WHAT *YOU* WANT!!!
[03:57] <OliproPLUS> You don't know what you want
[03:57] <OliproPLUS> OliproPLUS does!
[03:57] * Squiggle purchases OliproPLUS.
[03:57] <OliproPLUS> Only OliproPLUS knows what *you* want and gives it to you before you even realize you want it!
[03:57] <Squiggle> Happy now?
[03:57] <OliproPLUS> Thank you Squiggle, that will be 1000 quid!
[03:58] * Squiggle slaps OliproPLUS.
[03:58] <Squiggle> Nevermind.
[03:58] <OliproPLUS> Purchase already made
[03:58] <OliproPLUS> Thanks for buying OliproPLUS!
[03:58] <OliproSELECT> We satisfy our customers here at OliproSELECT
[03:59] <OliproPLUS> Expect to receive your very own OliproPLUS by express mail within six weeks!
[03:59] <OliproSELECT> Spang, enjoy this complimentary free trial of OliproSELECT
[03:59] <Spang> I heard that OliproSELECT has spyware in it
[03:59] <OliproPLUS> Spang: Do you reall want a trial?
[03:59] * Squiggle returns OliproPLUS.
[03:59] <OliproPLUS> You know who else had a trial
[03:59] <OliproSELECT> From OliproPLUS I presume
[03:59] <OliproPLUS> Saddam
[03:59] <OliproPLUS> Now he's dead
[04:00] <OliproSELECT> who installs rootkits on all their products
[04:00] <OliproPLUS> Squiggle: Sorry you were not satisfied with our product. As a consolation, we will keep your money and send back the product free of charge!
[04:00] * OliproSELECT > OliproPLUS
[04:00] <LordKaT> Fuck, you two must be bored.
[04:01] * C_Krieger (n=chatzill@71.228.206.211) has joined #uncyclopedia
[04:01] <OliproSELECT> Bored enough to give you this free of charge special offer!
[04:01] <PrincessCaitlai> Hello C_Krieger
[04:01] <OliproPLUS> Boredom giving you the daily blues?
[04:01] <OliproPLUS> Try OliproPLUS!
[04:01] <LordKaT> you've killed a joke before it had a chacne to live.
[04:01] <LordKaT> Good job.
[04:02] <OliproPLUS> Only OliproPLUS can revive jokes!
[04:02] * C_Krieger (n=chatzill@71.228.206.211) Quit (Client Quit)
[04:02] <OliproPLUS> Have a joke that's been run into the ground? It can rise like the pheonix with OliproPLUS!
[04:02] <OliproPLUS> Other Olipros like to claim they can revive jokes
[04:02] <OliproSELECT> OliproPLUS, stop trying.
[04:02] <OliproPLUS> But they LIE
[04:02] * OliproSELECT is the clear winner
[04:03] * OliproPLUS is the clearest winner
[04:03] <Squiggle> Actually, only PLUS managed to sell something.
[04:03] <OliproSELECT> Only superior products trump inferior companies
[04:03] <OliproPLUS> Only OliproPLUS uses superlatives!
[04:03] <OliproPLUS> The best superlatives can be yours!
[04:03] <OliproPLUS> For the lowest price ever!
[04:03] <Squiggle> So I think that the clear winner is me, for buying such a fine product!
[04:03] <OliproPLUS> Ain't that the truth, Squiggle!
[04:03] <Squiggle> Thanks, OliproPLUS!
[04:04] <OliproSELECT> Prepositions have gone over the rood here at OliproSELECT!
[04:04] <OliproPLUS> No problem, pal.
[04:04] * Squiggle flashes a winning smile, a thumbs-up, and winks knowingly.
[04:04] <OliproPLUS> You got potential, kid
[04:04] * LordKaT staples OliproPLUS to OliproSELECT
[04:04] <OliproSELECT> (Don't mention it Squiggle ;) )
[04:04] <OliproPLUS> We here at OliproPLUS would like to sign you to a big endorsement deal
[04:04] <OliproSELECT> 2 products for the price of 1!!!!!!!!!!!!
[04:05] <OliproPLUS> 2,000,000 quid to do five commercials for us
[04:05] <OliproPLUS> Squiggle, do you accept?
[04:06] <Squiggle> Heck yes.
[04:06] * OliproPLUS shakes Squiggle's hand
[04:06] <OliproSELECT> They are *charging* you Squiggle
[04:06] <OliproPLUS> Shhhhhhh
[04:06] <Whiteside> John Oliver just made up an Oscar Wilde quote on The Daily Show
[04:06] <Squiggle> I don't care.
[04:06] <Whiteside> he's stealing material. what a hack
[04:06] <Squiggle> Anything is worth peddling such a fine product as OliproPLUS!
[04:06] <OliproPLUS> I can see it now: billboards, full page ads in the New York Times
[04:07] <Spang> I'd buy anything with Barry Scott in the advert
[04:07] <OliproPLUS> BARRY SCOTT ONLY AT OLIPROPLUS!
[04:07] * OliproSELECT offers a free cap with a spinny thing on the top, Squiggle, will you take this offer?
[04:07] <OliproPLUS> ALL BARRY SCOTT ALL THE TIME
[04:07] <Spang> Ok, I'm sold
[04:07] * UNKNOWNFILE (n=asshole@unaffiliated/unknownfile) has left #uncyclopedia
[04:07] * Squiggle flashes a winning smile, a thumbs-up, and winks knowingly.
[04:08] <OliproPLUS> Thank you, Spang, for your fine choice
[04:08] * LordKaT stuffs Squiggle up OliproSELECT's nose
[04:08] <OliproPLUS> Expect your OliproPLUS with a FREE Barry Scott in the mail within six weeks
[04:08] <Squiggle> And what a FINE purchase that is!
[04:08] * Squiggle flashes a winning smile, a thumbs-up, and winks knowingly.
[04:08] <OliproPLUS> Right you are, Squiggle!
[04:08] <Spang> Hmmm... is OliproSELECT compatible with OliproPLUS?
[04:09] * Squiggle throws in a free Squiggle with Spang's purchase.
[04:09] <OliproPLUS> Of course not!
[04:09] <OliproPLUS> OliproSELECT is compatible with DEATH
[04:09] <OliproPLUS> and that's it
[04:09] <LordKaT> (yes they arE)
[04:09] <OliproSELECT> Of course, although our competitior denies this
[04:09] <OliproSELECT> They hate common sense
[04:09] * Squiggle hates common sense.
[04:09] <OliproPLUS> Common sense is old hat! Irrationality is the wave of the future!
[04:09] <LordKaT> Twisting, turning, through the never
[04:10] <Squiggle> We're anything but COMMON here at OliproPLUS!
[04:10] <OliproPLUS> Remember, only OliproPLUS is fully endorsed by Olipro himself!
[04:10] <OliproPLUS> Now that's a name you can trust!
[04:10] <Squiggle> Unlike *looks over shoulder* <mockingly>our "competitors"</mockingly>.
[04:11] <OliproPLUS> Ha! If we expanded the definition of competitor to include total losers!
[04:11] * Squiggle flashes a winning smile, a thumbs-up, and winks knowingly.
[04:11] <Spang> Man, if only I didn't have to wait six weeks to get it
[04:11] <OliproSELECT> You're my competition PLUS, therefore, the definition applies to you.
[04:11] <OliproPLUS> We can get it to you NOW, Spang
[04:12] <Spang> Oh really?
[04:12] <OliproPLUS> If you choose ULTRA BONUS SUPER SHIPPING
[04:12] <OliproPLUS> Only 200 quid more!
[04:12] <Spang> Sold!
[04:12] * Squiggle throws in a free puppy born circa The Cold War.
[04:12] <OliproSELECT> Six weeks!? Fa-Pah. New tech transporters allow instant delivery!
[04:12] <OliproPLUS> Alright, here's your OliproPLUS!
[04:12] <OliproPLUS> Using our newest tech transporters
[04:12] <OliproPLUS> and SUPERLATIVES!
[04:13] <OliproSELECT> Only 150 quid at OliproSELECT and ANAGRAMS!
[04:13] <OliproPLUS> The instantest delivery you can get, only at OliproPLUS!
[04:13] <OliproPLUS> We have PALINDROMES!
[04:13] <OliproPLUS> Cat tac!
[04:13] <Squiggle> AMAZING!
[04:13] <Squiggle> How could I ever question OliproPLUS's rightful place at the top of the free market?
[04:13] <OliproPLUS> You couldn't!
[04:13] <OliproSELECT> Our company's spokesman, deathz0r, agrees that OliproSELECT is the right choice!
[04:13] <OliproPLUS> That's what's so great about it!
[04:14] <OliproSELECT> Prepositions have gone over the rood here at OliproSELECT!
[04:14] * LordKaT stabs Olipro
[04:14] <OliproPLUS> See? Death!
[04:14] <OliproSELECT> A murderous company or the caring company
[04:14] <OliproPLUS> Want to stab Olipro? Only OliproPLUS can stab Olipro with 200% more efficiency than the next leading brand
[04:14] <Squiggle> As if you could ever consider SELECT to be "leading".
[04:15] * OliproSELECT offers twice the array of stabbing tools, which is why its the leading brand
[04:15] <OliproPLUS> Ha!
[04:15] <Spang> Hmmm, I'm checking out my new OliproPLUS, and it's just not as colourful as I was expecting
[04:15] <OliproPLUS> Want less stabbing? Only OliproPLUS can offer LESS stabbing MORE of the time!
[04:15] * OliproSELECT is extremely colorful
[04:15] <OliproPLUS> OliproPLUS has a new colour patch!
[04:15] <OliproPLUS> 2,300 more colours
[04:15] <Squiggle> "why 'its' the leading brand" At least we use more better grammars than SELECT!
[04:15] <OliproSELECT> Not black and white like our colorblind competition
[04:15] <OliproPLUS> Plus, it's spelled with a "u" so you know it's authentic!
[04:16] * Squiggle can smell the authenticity in the comfort of his own home!
[04:16] <LordKaT> Squiggle, that's a pussyfart.
[04:17] <OliproPLUS> Spang, we can send you our new colour patch free of charge!
[04:17] <OliproPLUS> Have feline flatulence? Only OliproPLUS can cure those smellycat blues!
[04:17] <Spang> Free? As in beer?
[04:17] <OliproSELECT> Unclean products and gimmicky marketers is all you get with OliproPLUS
[04:18] <OliproSELECT> With SELECT, you buy it once, you never need to worry about faults that need patching
[04:18] <OliproPLUS> Cleanliness is so 90's!
[04:18] <OliproPLUS> Get ahead of the game with OliproPLUS, the dirtiest product out today!
[04:18] <OliproSELECT> Unlike our PLUS competitors, who prefer to keep their products on lifesupport
[04:18] <OliproSELECT> Patch after Patch
[04:19] <OliproPLUS> OliproSELECT prefers deathsupport
[04:19] <OliproPLUS> they SUPPORT DEAT
[04:19] <OliproPLUS> H
[04:19] <OliproSELECT> With SELECT, get something reliable
[04:19] <OliproPLUS> This cannot stand!
[04:19] <Squiggle> NOT DEATH!
[04:19] <Squiggle> OR H!
[04:19] <OliproSELECT> and not something that needs the extra "H"
[04:19] <OliproPLUS> Reliability is for squares! Risk is the name of the game!
[04:19] <OliproPLUS> Score a home run with OliproPLUS: Never reliable for maximum fun!
[04:20] <OliproSELECT> Risk of looking bad, so the patch is your only backing point
[04:20] <OliproSELECT> Charge after charge
[04:20] <OliproSELECT> With SELECT, never worry!
[04:20] <Spang> I applied the parcg, but now it seems to be leaking toxic radiation
[04:20] <Spang> *patch
[04:20] <OliproPLUS> That's perfectly normal
[04:20] <OliproSELECT> As is usual with PLUS, who covers this up with the delicacy of a gang rape
[04:21] * Sgeo (n=sgeo@ool-18bf61f7.dyn.optonline.net) Quit (Remote closed the connection)
[04:21] <OliproPLUS> A major university study shows that toxic radiation may be good for you!
[04:21] <Squiggle> And who doesn't trust the research of Quacky McFalserton University?
[04:21] <OliproSELECT> Not OliproPLUS
[04:22] <wolf> who here is an admin?
[04:22] <Spang> I may be tempted to give OliproSELECT a try for a while
[04:22] <wolf> I'm trying to remember
[04:22] <OliproPLUS> No, Spang!
[04:22] <OliproSELECT> You'd make the *right* choice
[04:22] <OliproPLUS> We'll give you anything you want
[04:22] <OliproPLUS> MORE BARRY SCOTT!
[04:22] <OliproPLUS> MORE OF THE TIME!
[04:22] <OliproSELECT> We're not desperate here, everythings calm, cool, and collecte
[04:22] <OliproSELECT> d
[04:22] <OliproPLUS> OliproPLUS also offers more admins, for wolf-related customers!
[04:22] <OliproPLUS> Can OliproSELECT say the same?
[04:22] <OliproPLUS> NO!
[04:22] <Spang> I've heard tell of a barry scott plugin for OliproSELECT
[04:22] <Squiggle> wolf: Spang is an admin.
[04:23] <OliproSELECT> Yes, and we're compatible with ALL dead celebrities!
[04:23] <Squiggle> No, only the cheap knock-off, Jerry Snot.
[04:23] <OliproPLUS> That was another lie from OliproSELECT
[04:23] <wolf> so, I made a thing
[04:23] <OliproPLUS> Yet Another Lie
[04:23] <Spang> Some even say it includes the MOST barry scott, with SUPERLATIVES
[04:23] <OliproPLUS> WE HAVE THE MOST BARRY SCOTT EVER
[04:23] <OliproSELECT> Only the finest
[04:24] <OliproPLUS> We have the BEST Barry Scott
[04:24] <OliproPLUS> And the superest superlatives
[04:24] <OliproSELECT> And predicitives as well, an exclusive Spang
[04:24] <OliproPLUS> We have all the reflexive pronouns yourself could want!
[04:25] <OliproSELECT> Would you care for a low proce 50 quid first try Spang?
[04:25] <OliproSELECT> Customization welcome.
[04:25] <wolf> that is not what I was looking for
[04:25] <OliproPLUS> Only 49 quid to stay with OliproPLUS!
[04:25] <OliproSELECT> In order to match US!!
[04:25] <OliproSELECT> ;)
[04:25] <OliproPLUS> OliproSELECT lures its customers in with a wink
[04:25] <OliproPLUS> and then date rapes them!
[04:26] <OliproSELECT> Make the right choice, get the right results
[04:26] <OliproPLUS> OliproPLUS is date rape-free
[04:26] <OliproSELECT> Our murder-rate is an approximate 0, compared to OliproPLUS' skyrocketing accounts
[04:27] <Spang> I actualy prefer a little date rape sometimes
[04:27] <OliproPLUS> What more would you expect from the corporate fatcats at OliproSELECT
[04:27] <OliproPLUS> We have the BEST date rape ever!
[04:27] <Squiggle> Yummy in the tummy!
[04:27] <Spang> But you just said you were date rape-free!
[04:27] <OliproPLUS> OliproPLUS is a family-owned establishment
[04:27] <OliproSELECT> As usual, the bipolar partisans at OliproPLUS make desperate catch ups and stumble on their lies
[04:28] <OliproPLUS> Bipolar is the way of the future!
[04:28] <OliproSELECT> Make the smart choice Spang, make it your to-day!
[04:28] <OliproPLUS> Two poles are better than one!
[04:28] <Spang> Unless you meant that the date rape is free
[04:28] <OliproPLUS> Yes of course!
[04:28] <OliproPLUS> Our date rape is complimentary!
[04:28] <OliproPLUS> And, shall I say, complementary
[04:28] <OliproPLUS> We have the best HOMONYMS!
[04:29] <OliproSELECT> That line is sooo QDB'd
[04:29] <OliproPLUS> Want more QDB? Try OliproPLUS!
[04:29] <OliproSELECT> The desperate ramblings of a tired company
[04:30] <OliproSELECT> QDB is freshly stocked at OliproSELECT
[04:30] <OliproPLUS> OliprosSELECT is lazy
[04:30] * Squiggle can't take it anymore.
[04:30] <OliproPLUS> OliproPLUS will do anything to satisfy even the Spangiest of customers!
[04:30] * LordKaT implodes
[04:30] <Squiggle> I'VE BEEN LIVING A LIE AT OLIPROplus!
[04:30] <OliproPLUS> NO! NO!
[04:30] <OliproPLUS> SHHHH!
[04:30] <OliproSELECT> OliproPLUS is a slanderous disgrace of a company, proof is in the words
[04:30] <OliproPLUS> HERE'S SOME MONEY
[04:30] <OliproPLUS> MORE MONEY FOR SQUIGGLE
[04:31] * Squiggle takes the money.
[04:31] <OliproPLUS> Dontcha love OliproPLUS, Squiggle?
[04:31] <Squiggle> THEY DATE RAPED ME AT OLIPROplus!
[04:31] <Squiggle> AND KILLED A DOLPHIN BEFORE MY OWN EYES!
[04:32] <LordKaT> but you enjoyed it.
[04:32] <Squiggle> I'M SCARRED!
[04:32] <OliproSELECT> OliproSELECT Can care for all date-rape and animal cruelty emotional scarring
[04:32] * Squiggle hides under the protection of OliproSELECT.
[04:32] <OliproSELECT> The caring company
[04:32] <Squiggle> So warm...
[04:33] <Squiggle> Like a dolphin... At least, a LIVE one.
[04:33] <Spang> Hey, I've found a crack that lets me run OliproPLUS and OliproSELECT simultaneously within a main Olipro environment
[04:33] <OliproSELECT> *GASP*
[04:33] <OliproPLUS> OliproSELECT spreads lies and lures over our most famous endorsers!
[04:33] <Spang> For FREE!
[04:33] <OliproPLUS> WHAT?!?!?
[04:34] <Squiggle> At least here I feel like I have a father, PLUS!
[04:34] <OliproSELECT> WHAT!?!?!?!
[04:34] <OliproPLUS> PLUS HAS THE MOST FATHERS
[04:34] <Squiggle> More than one is just gay.
[04:34] <OliproSELECT> You kill the familys you know, and take the fathers away...
[04:34] <Squiggle> I only need one.
[04:34] <LordKaT> Which one comes with a three day radio-shack approved batteryless waranty?
[04:34] <OliproPLUS> I meant Best fathers
[04:34] * OliproSELECT does
[04:34] <OliproPLUS> We have only the radioshackiest warranties
[04:35] <LordKaT> OliproSELECT is for me! \o/
[04:35] <OliproPLUS> OliproSELECT spys on our meetings and steals our innovations!
[04:35] <LordKaT> Good! A competative edge! I like that.
[04:35] <OliproSELECT> the SELECT store for your SELECT needs.
[04:35] <OliproPLUS> But we do it more!
[04:35] <OliproPLUS> We spy on them every minute of every day!
[04:35] <OliproSELECT> And in moderation
[04:36] * Squiggle forms his own company.
[04:36] <LordKaT> Which one will allow me to consume alcohol?
[04:36] <OliproPLUS> WE WILL
[04:36] * OliproSELECT shall
[04:36] * Squiggle is now known as OlipBONUS
[04:36] <OliproPLUS> WE USE CAPS SO YOU KNOW WE'RE SINCERE
[04:36] * OlipBONUS is now known as OliproBONUS
[04:36] <OliproSELECT> We use plaintext to show we're normal
[04:36] <OliproPLUS> Now that the market has been flooded with imitators, there is only one true beacon of light
[04:36] <OliproBONUS> I uSe BoTh!
[04:36] <OliproPLUS> And that's OliproPLUS
[04:37] <OliproBONUS> I'm FuCkInG cRaZy!
[04:37] <OliproSELECT> You mean OliproSELECT
[04:37] <OliproBONUS> BONUS is for the whole family.
[04:37] <LordKaT> I'm too fucking tired to differentiatebetween the different Olipro's
[04:37] <LordKaT> Good night.
[04:37] * OliproEXPRESS (i=a254c687@gateway/web/cgi-irc/irc.wikia.com/x-119ee29f58a7c151) has joined #uncyclopedia
[04:37] <OliproSELECT> Goodnight
[04:37] <OliproBONUS> from L'il Juniper jr. to Ol' Grampa Joe!
[04:37] <OliproPLUS> We offer sleep at low low prices!
[04:37] <OliproSELECT> And enjoy the complimentary select pillow
[04:38] <OliproEXPRESS> ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO EXPRESS
[04:38] * OliproBONUS buys out PLUS and SELECT.
[04:38] <OliproEXPRESS> YOU HAVE NO TIME TO MAKE YOUR BUY
[04:38] <OliproSELECT> Gasp
[04:38] <OliproPLUS> OliproPLUS is not a public company!
[04:38] <OliproBONUS> You're owned by me now, peons.
[04:38] * OliproBONUS whips PLUS.
[04:38] <OliproSELECT> OliproPLUS is a date-rape evil corporation
[04:38] <OliproEXPRESS> HAHAHA
[04:39] <OliproPLUS> OliproPLUS is a date-rape *good* corporation
[04:39] <OliproBONUS> SELECT, you are mine. I bought you.
[04:39] <OliproPLUS> No evil date-rape
[04:39] * OliproSELECT is owned by the SELECT family
[04:39] <OliproEXPRESS> TAKE OFF EVERY ZIG
[04:39] <OliproBONUS> ... Which I bought.
[04:40] * OliproPLUS TAKES OFF MORE ZIGS, FASTER!
[04:40] <OliproSELECT> ...in your dreams
[04:40] <OliproEXPRESS> YOUR TO BE MAKING BAD JOKE IN 2021
[04:40] <OliproBONUS> It was a ~~hostile~~ peaceful takeover.
[04:40] <OliproPLUS> OliproPLUS is fully endorsed by the original Olipro
[04:41] <OliproPLUS> Family owned for 10,000 years
[04:41] * OliproSELECT is better than OliproPLUS
[04:41] <OliproPLUS> Since the Earth was created
[04:41] <OliproSELECT> No matter what
[04:41] <OliproEXPRESS> HAHAHA

User:Spang/Olipro

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